If Jessa Duggar Has Her Way, Her Boyfriend Will Stay At The ‘Side Hug Stage’ Forever

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Jessa Duggar Ben Seewald selfie


Last night I watched the season finale of 19 Kids and Counting. I blame it partially on the fact there was nothing else to watch on TV and partially on the fact that I hate myself. While I could spend hours talking about how awkward I felt when Derick Dillard proposed to Jill Duggar after dating courting for three months, I'd prefer to skip the cheesey lovefest and talk about Jessa Duggar instead. Specially the fact that she seems disgusted by her courter, Ben Seewald.

For those of you who chose not to subject yourself to Old-Timey Patriarchal Family Hour last night, I'll catch you up on what happened. Jim Bob and Mrs. Jim Bob Baby Maker Duggar left the house to go grocery shopping at Costco or steal a uterus or whatever it is they do for fun. So the older Duggar kids used their absence to invite some Internet friends over and do copious amounts of cocaine off the younger Duggar kids. And by do cocaine, I mean, set up a dinner theater for their parents in the living room because they all have the recreational aptitude of 6-year-olds. Derick and Ben came over to help the kids build a stage. Also to get in some extra side hugs while the parents are away.

As much as I snark on the way the Duggars date, I will say that Jill and Derick do seem to be genuinely interested in each other. Sure it's a very G-rated 4th grade “will u be my boyfriend during recess” way, but it's something. Jessa and Ben, on the other hand, are stealing a page straight out of the “dorky guy lurves his hawt BFF” dating handbook. Think of Laney and her lame BFF in She's All That, but with more of a homeschooled vibe.

Laney Boggs Jesse Jackson she's all that


Every time their inevitable engagement comes up, Jessa looks repulsed. “Him?” her eyes seem to be saying, “you want me to full-frontal hug him? I'd rather wear pants and risk the wrath of God than ever touch him.” Which is a shame since Ben LOVES touching Jessa. The kid sneaks in a side hug every chance he can get. And let me tell you something, when you tell two GROWN adults they can't have sex (or even kiss) until marriage, their side hugs get extra sexual. I felt much more squicked out watching the excessive side hugging than I would've felt if they'd just made out.

Sadly for Jessa, she will be doing much more than side hugging Ben in the future. Because, you know, girl's got to make babies. And more babies. AND MORE BABIES. ALL THE BABIES.