Jennifer Aniston Kindly Allows Herself Bread ‘On The Weekends’ Because She’s A 115 Pound Whale

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You know, I have to admit I love a good celebrity interview. I don't mean when Kim Kardashian guest stars on E! News or when celebrities are on the promo tour for whatever movie they're peddling.  I mean the really good, sit-down, in-depth interviews with reputable media outlets or when Oprah makes celebrities cry and jump on couches.  So naturally my interest was piqued when I saw that makeup artist Bobbi Brown and Yahoo Beauty got Jennifer Aniston to open up about her style, weight, and talk shit on other women in Hollywood.  I was hoping she'd reveal her fiance's favorite shade of hair and eyebrow dye, but no such luck.

I don't think there's a human being alive in the first world who hasn't stood next to a “LOOK AT JENNIFER ANISTON'S PERFECT AMAZING SUPER ROCK-HARD AWESOME BIKINI BODY, FATSOS!” cover in line at the grocery store. So what's her secret, you ask?  Even though we all know it's shopping at Whole Foods and working out like an insane person, she wants you to know she does in fact indulge.  In bread.  Like maybe one day a week. Because she's fucking enormous right now and needs to lose, like, five pounds.

“I usually give myself bread on the weekends, but really, my body doesn’t love carbs. These days, if I was being super picky, I would love to drop 5 pounds. That is just where I have always been really comfortable at about 110 to 113 pounds. But it is harder at this age.”

Oh, girl, your body doesn't love carbs? How sad.  My body loves them.  It loves them so much that when I try to cut back on carbs and grains, my stomach actually starts violently attacking its empty, barren self while simultaneously screaming at me in front of my co-workers that IT NEEDS SOME FUCKING GRAINS UP IN HERE.  (Sorry, that's two F-bombs in this post already. I know it's early, forgive me. I'm hungry.)

But if we could just engage in some #realtalk right now, I'd love to know what Jen hoped to accomplish by not just sharing her weight, but coming down on herself for being either 115 or 118 pounds.  In an interview where lots of women reading it are not, in fact, the size of a high school sophomore cheerleader.  We're all super picky about ourselves, Jen, so I feel you.  I really do.  And while I'm sure lots of thin, in-shape women out there might identify with this statement, I don't think I'm exaggerating too much when I say miiiillllllions do not.

You can actually eat healthy, exercise regularly, and feel pretty good and NOT be super skinny.  That's a thing, you know.  I dunno, I guess I just wish she had carefully thought about crafting her answer in a more positive way, both toward herself and every woman reading her interview.

(GIF: Tumblr)