Jay Z Denies Beyonce Surrogacy Rumors…But He Would, Wouldn’t He? (Insert Evil Cackle Here)

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beyonce stomach deflating fake pregnancy surrogate

In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Jay Z finally spoke up about the surrogacy rumors that've plagued Beyonce since she first unzipped that sparkly blazer during her 2011 MTV VMAs performance. As someone who subsists completely on unsubstantiated rumors, unlikely conspiracy theories and undercooked quinoa, I've obviously always questioned her pregnancy. Things never quite added up. Or, I should say, inflated correctly.

However Jay Z went on the record to say it's all hogwash. Except he didn't use that word, because he's Jay Z and he's far too classy to know anything about a hog's bathing habits.

As for the rumors of Beyoncé’s not really having been pregnant with their first child, Jay tells Robinson, “I don’t even know how to answer that. It’s just so stupid. You know, I felt dismissive about it, but you’ve got to feel for her. I mean, we’ve got a really charmed life, so how can we complain? But when you think about it, we’re still human beings. . . . And even in hip-hop, all the blogs—they had a field day with it. I’m like, We come from you guys, we represent you guys. Why are you perpetuating this? Why are you adding fuel to this ridiculous rumor?”

Obviously Jay-Z denied these rumors outright. But of course he did! What else is he going to say? “Hello, I'm Jay Z and I outsourced my child to the Illuminati's Signature Surrogate.” Yeah. Right. He's going to deny those rumors until that alleged surrogate shows up one day to cash in on her fifteen minutes of fame. (Or so I pray to the Pop Culture Gods every single night.)

Also, we know you have a charmed life Jay Z, we follow Beyonce on Tumblr. It's therefore impossible to forgot that fact. You're the only celebrities I know whose lives literally looks like they've been run through an Instagram filter.

(GIF: Tumblr)