The 7 Times The Insurgent Teaser Trailer Almost Had A Sensical Plot

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The Insurgent teaser trailer is FINALLY here and I am freaking the eff out. Why? Because there's a tweenage girl trapped somewhere inside of me. It's because of her that I read the Divergent last year. It's also because of her that I have a 5SOS station on my Pandora. She has the worst taste in everything!!! Get this, she made me eat an entire box of Annie's Mac & Cheese for dinner last night, even though adult me was like, “this is two servings, so this will easily feed me for two nights.” Anyways, because of her, I'm like freak-a-leek-ing out about this trailer.

Like Divergent, it does NOT look good. Also like Divergent, I'll probably see it and then complain to my adult friends about it. And then they'll be all like, “why did you pay to see that?” And I'll be all like, “why don't you stop acting like the byproduct of a Amity/Hufflepuff marriage and learn to live a little.” And then they'll walk out and I'll be like, “where are you going? We haven't even ordered brunch yet! Did I say something?”

So in honor of already hate-watching this movie and annoying my friends, let's dive into the times when there almost seemed to be a plot.

Second 16:

Insurgent Teaser Trailer 1

Possible Plot: A movie executive figures how to use the old Mockingjay set.

Second 17:

Insurgent Teaser Trailer 2

Possible Plot: Kate Gosselin gets a facelift, shaves years off her face. Then returns home to see that Mady burnt down her house.

Second 23:

Insurgent Teaser Trailer 3

Possible Plot: Ashley Judd attempts to do a magic trick to impress her young spiky-haired son. Fails miserably.

Second 28:

Insurgent Teaser Trailer 4

Possible Plot: .The house auditions to be in the sequel to Up, but does it in such a rush that it forgets the stove is in. The house sets on fire. Silly house!

Second 33:

Insurgent Teaser Trailer 6

Possible Plot: Shailene Woodley tires of being homeless. Decides she wants a house. Specifically a flying house on fire. Must. Get. House. Now.

Second 42:

Insurgent Teaser Trailer 7

Possible Plot: House, go home, you're drunk.

Second 47: 

Insurgent Teaser Trailer 8

Possible Plot: Shailene feels tricked into a horrible trilogy, this is no Hunger Games. Proceeds to literally jump out of the frame.