In a Surprise Twist, January Jones Gave Birth to Xander Dane Three Days Ago

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The entire saga of January Jones‘ pregnancy has been a study in forced nonchalance. Her publicist released the news — which was fairly scandalous since January wasn't currently in a relationship — hours before the Royal Wedding, ensuring that it got effectively buried under the coverage of Kate Middleton‘s dress. That said, we still jumped on it once we were done laughing at the grumpy bridesmaid.

For nine months, January managed to not disclose the identity of her baby daddy, but there seemed to be a smugness to the whole thing. Like, she knew, and she knew the reveal would shock us, so she was holding on to that secret even more firmly than the life growing inside her. We guessed everyone from her ex and Saturday Night Live star Jason Sudeikis to her X-Men: First Class director Matthew Vaughn. (Again, scandalous since he's married.)

And now, we hear that January quietly gave birth in L.A. on Tuesday. No big. Except it is a big deal, since we still don't know who the father is. But for now we do know the name of the son: Xander Dane Jones.

We kind of want to strangle January's people at this point. Her camp has been keeping up a casual front of “Oh, that baby? Yeah…” whereas we're clamoring for more details, saying, “Oh, that baby! Yeah!” And of course that will only continue as poor Xander grows up — so maybe January could think of her child instead of her career for once and spare him that misery by just revealing his father's identity.

We're gonna call it now: Sperm bank!