Video: How To Eat Like Honey Boo Boo On Season Finale Night

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It's been an eventful season full of pageantry, pig love and and interesting local delicacies, but the season finale of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is almost here! To prepare for tonight's final episode, I tried my hand at making some of the family recipes depicted on the show, and invited my friends over to help me taste them. As I predicted, neither sketti nor go-go juice were as disgusting as people made them out to be, although most people disagreed with me.

First, I made sketti exactly the way I saw “Mama” June Shannon do it on the show. Or as close as I could get, anyway. She wasn't very precise about the proportions when she said “you put a little bit of butter in with the ketchup,” so I winged it. (I'm a vegan so I used margarine, which is probably not too different from what Mama uses.) I threw the spaghetti against the wall to see if it was done, and everything.

I'll admit that the sauce was somewhat gross when it came out of the microwave, but once it went on the noodles it was pretty diluted. (I added more ketchup after this picture was taken because the balance seemed off.)

Noodles coated, it was time to taste the sketti.

I honestly didn't think it was that bad; it tasted a lot like the uber-sweet Spaghetti-Os that I liked so much as a kid. Now I have unlocked their secret! Others, however, were less enthused.

Next, I decided that everyone should try some of Alana's “gogo juice,” which former bartrendress Debbie improved with the addition of vodka. It got mixed reviews, but I thought it tasted great. (Probably because I used to drink a lot of Red Bull, and Red Bull is the dominant flavor.)

Lastly, I decided to try eating cheeseballs (or rather, Tings, a vegan approximation) off the floor. I cheated a little by cleaning the floor first, but I'm not super good at cleaning things so there was probably some invisible dirt remaining. That said, they were absolutely fine.

On the one hand, it's kind of insane how much better regular sauce tastes than “sketti sauce,” despite being nutritionally similar (albeit with less corn syrup). Mama should try clipping some coupons for it. I'm sure they're out there! On the other hand, Honey Boo Boo food is hardly the disgusting swill most people seem to think it is. There's a reason junk food tastes the way it does; it's engineered to appeal to our tastes for fat, salt and sugar, attributes which no longer pose any evolutionary advantage but nevertheless remain.

I didn't try roadkill, as I have zero access to it and it's pretty hard to make a vegan version of that, but I have no ethical problem with it, and a friend of mine who grew up eating it confirms that, when prepared properly, a freshly run-over deer tastes no different from a freshly shot deer. Why would it?

Should you eat sketti every day? Probably not. But as part of a varied diet, it's not going to kill you. That said, I hope someone helps June Shannon‘s family learn to cook and eat better, because there are many things you can make on a limited budget that are decently healthy. But she has to seek the help out first, because otherwise it's going to seem incredibly paternalistic.