Girls Is Terrible, And Such Small Portions: Doing Coke For Work

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This week, the girls of Girls finally rubbed up against the dirty, druggy, late night hipster party people of New York in a major way, with unsexy results. New experiences were had, lies revealed, self-important art douchebags fucked. What came of this, naturally, was as amusing as it was mortifying as it was reminiscent of every creative New Yorker's early 20s. Let's begin!

Holy shit, Lena Dunham did not even try to pretend she wasn't making fun of Jane Pratt¬†with that “cool” online women's mag editor who told Hannah to “do a bunch of coke and just write about it.” (Update: producers deny that it was supposed to be her, LOL.) That “comfort zone” poster is totally how I imagine the XOJane offices. I guess now we know how she feels about the whole Cat Marnell thing. It's incredibly believable for Hannah to have ended up there, but I still hate it when people feed Jane's giant ego/persecution complex.

The fact that Hannah would only experiment with drugs “for work” and not because she actually wants to speaks volumes about her approach to life. Or, not to get all “voice of a generation” on you, but about certain criticisms leveled at millennials as well. “In my day, we did drugs and fucked our neighbors in a far more passionate and interesting way,” crow the olds. Did ya?

There's a criminal lack of Jessa and Shoshanna in this episode, but I love that Jessa says Shosh has been “stroppy” since she started dating Ray. That's not a word, but I totally know what she means.

“You have a turtle?” “Yeah, and I'll never not have it.” This works as a metaphor for Laird‘s addiction as well as an example of the type of the awkward small talk you will have with your weird New York neighbors, should you ever try to talk to them.

And now it is time for Marnie to fuck the douchey art guy with the stupid name! This is almost definitely going to get her fired from her job, which seems anathema to Marnie's annoyingly responsible attitude. But remember how long it's been since she fucked someone she was even remotely attracted to? And how much he turned her on just by saying some goofy shit he read in Vice Magazine? IT'S TIME.

But first, Hannah and Elijah are going to do some coke. I take issue with the idea that a recovering addict would do a drug deal for someone rather than just giving her the number, but Laird is obsessed with Hannah, so I'll suspend my disbelief. If ever there was a person who does not need to do coke, it is her. She is basically on coke already, what with her self centered delusions and hyperbolic language. (“I am so jazzed to write the fuck out of this story!”) So naturally, cocaine makes her into an even more obnoxious version of herself. That said, regular amounts of regular cocaine do not generally make people write on the walls, sweat profusely, or feel such ecstasy-like affection for others. What's in that stuff?

Marnie's disappointing, unprotected(!) sex with Booth Jonathan is a perfect encapsulation of what it's like to fuck self-serious art pricks and probably the best part of the whole episode. After telling him what she really thinks of him (you go girl), Marnie goes home with the dude, praises his terrible art (“you're so fucking talented” made me laugh out loud, as did “Children's Death Games”), and carries out his request to describe a creepy doll to him while he makes way too much noise fucking her from behind, and, ultimately, finishing inside her. On the one hand, Marnie doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd have unprotected sex. On the other, straight, wealthy hipsters in 2013 pretty much never think they can get AIDS, so it's not outside the realm of possibility. [Personal note: my roommate and I had a similar TV tower at our Halloween party this year, and it is still taking up space in our living room. Should we sell it for a million dollars?]

Was Marnie only pretending to like his shitty art because she wanted to fuck him, or was she truly hoodwinked? Her peals of laughter at the ridiculousness of the whole situation after the sex is over suggest the former. As realistic as it is for a douchenozzle like Booth to be hilariously bad in bed, I still feel bad for Marnie; shouldn't someone on this show get to have good sex at some point?

Meanwhile, back at the club, Hannah and Elijah dance to the sweet club jams of Andrew and Andrew (shout outs!) and Hannah switches shirts with a gay she just met, which is totally something that happens at Greenhouse. They continue to feel the properties of the bombastic TV coke, talking about how much they love each other until Elijah makes the inevitable confession that he “fucked Marnie.” This prompts an existential crisis, with Hannah wondering what it means for Hannah, so naturally, they have a fight in a drug store, bump into Laird, and decide to pay a visit to Marnie, who has made the mistake of texting Hannah her coordinates while dripping Booth's douche jizz into the toilet.

Of course Hannah is too caught up in getting a compliment from Laird to notice she may have caused him to relapse.

Back at Booth's intensely enviable, burn-down-able loft, Marnie is trying to play his game of saying dumb shit that doesn't mean anything and pretending that it does, when H and E somehow manage to gain entry without having to buzz or anything. (Unrealistic!) Hannah then proceeds to yell at Marnie in front of her booty call in such a manner as to almost cancel out anything bad that Marnie did. “We could keep being friends just as long as you know you're a bad one,” Hannah says, because what self-hating/self-loving young person hasn't tried to cultivate friendships with shitty people they don't have to feel bad about being shitty back to?

Afterwards, a still coked up and newly friendless Hannah decides to have sex with Laird “for work,” and then…scene. Did he come in his pants? Will she send him down a tragic heroin spiral? Will Laird and Adam join forces, forming some sort of Hannah Horvath Hatred society? I'm sincerely excited to find out.