In Non-Shocking News, Harry Styles ‘Wishes He Never Dated’ Taylor Swift

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Harry-Styles-with-One-Direction-performing-in-February-2013I don't know who is more devastated by this — me, or Taylor Swift — but Harry Styles apparently ‘wishes he never dated her'. Actually no, I know exactly who's more upset, and it's me, because I let myself believe in love. The kind of love that can last two months and sell as many million songs. But apparently Harry wasn't prepared for any of this. Maybe he wasn't up-to-date on the Swiftian cycle, but all the signs were there. I mean, hasn't he ever read If You Give A Moose A Muffin? Look it up, Harry! Taylor Swift was the moose and you were the muffin! Or you gave her a muffin. Or something. Just accept the metaphor. Anyway, Harry is kind of upset, in light of the digs that Taylor has aimed at him recently, from admitting that ‘I Knew You Were Trouble' is about him, to all the weird references in the music video for '22'.

“I mean, the fact she's aiming a jab at him in the 22 video has got Harry wondering what's coming next! He just doesn't know what to expect.”

Tell him to expect everything, anonymous source. EVERYTHING.

“It wasn't the most amicable of splits, but Harry said all along that he wanted to take things slow and easy with Taylor. There was certainly no commitment made, despite Taylor's protestations and the fact that they were so busy with their careers and lived in different countries meant that it could never have really got that serious. What for Harry was ‘a bit of fun' at the time has slowly turned into a personal nightmare.”

Welcome to America. Get on board.

“But he won't stoop to Taylor's level, he's just going to continue to be the more grown-up person and get on with his life. Perhaps something Taylor should consider too.”

Yeah right, Harry. How do you expect to sell any music if people aren't combing through your videos for clues as to your personal life? You've got a thing or two to learn if you and your little-known band One Direction expect to get anywhere in this life. SCOFF.