Entertainment

Rumors About Harry Styles Leaving One Direction Are Forcing Me To Evaluate All My Recent Life Choices

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Moments ago someone in the office casually mentioned that one of the boys from One Direction might be leaving to go solo.

“WHO!” I demanded to know as all the boys flashed through my head. Zayn Malik, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Harry Styles.

“Harry Something,” she responded nonchalantly.

“HARRY STYLES!?!” I screamed in horror.

“It disgusts me that you know his full name,” she responded.

“It disgusts me that you don't,” I muttered softly under my breath as I clutched my homemade Harry Styles doll closer to my chest. My chest heaved up and down as stress tremors raced through my body. My heartbeat quickened and my blood pressure soared. Could Harry Styles, “the hot one,” really be leaving the band?

My hands shook as I googled, “Harry Styles leaving One Direction broken heart kill me now.” Results flooded in. Tears flooded out.

Could this news really be causing this physical reaction in my body? Where did calm, rational, age-appropriate-interests Jenni go? When did I put my metaphorical braces back on and get sucked back into the world of boy bands and teen heart throbs?

I took a deep breath and tried to step back from the situation. What started as simply reporting on the latest trends turned into a full on obsesssion. I could look at One Direction gif after One Direction gif after One Direction gif. Even though I knew it was wrong. Even though I knew that the only other people clicking on these gifs were doing it from their 7th grade homerooms.

And now, after this news and my subsequent reactoin, I've realized it's time to dial it back on the 1D love. Maybe focus a little more on musicians going after my demo. Like Yanni and Frankie Avalon. I'm too young to have a stroke over teenage boys, yet too old to know the full names of teenage boys.

Or maybe not.  don't know, II just can't resist Harry's hair. I'm going to have wean myself off of them slowly. Like a teenage girl going through puberty. It will be awkward and uncomfortable and ultimately fulfilling.

Oh and for those of you who read this article only to find out about the rumor. His rep (thankfully) squashed it pretty fast.

After their lightning-fast rise to fame, the boys of One Direction are already facing breakup rumors, with member Harry Styles‘ latest travel itinerary suggesting he's on the lookout for a solo career, according to the Daily Star. “[Harry's] been offered a big solo project, so he flew out to Los Angeles without the rest of the boy band,” a source says. “He's been in America filming something. It may have been an advert or a film — I can't say exactly what — but it's worth a lot of money.” But a rep for the boy band is quick to quash the rumors, saying the trip wasn't for business at all. “This report is false. Harry was on vacation in L.A.,” their rep tells Hollyscoop.

Sighs of relief all around.

(Photo: The Hot Hits)