We Finally Meet Harry Dubin On The Real Housewives Of New York And I Don’t Get What The Big Deal Is

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Who wouldn't want to sleep with those ears?

From the first episode of The Real Housewives of New York City, one of the questions on everyone's mind has been ‘Who is Harry Dubin?' That's because he's been brought up in almost every episode. We know he's a real estate millionaire who was married to Aviva Drescher and has had sex with LuAnn de Lesseps and Sonja Morgan. That's according to Heather Thomson, who also apparently knows him. In fact, the only Housewives on the show who appear not to know Harry and Little Harry are Carole Radziwill and Ramona Singer. Those are some super shady Housewife odds, Mr. Durbin. I can't tell if I'm disgusted or impressed.

So anyway, when I heard last night that we were finally going to meet this mythical sex machine with whom Sonja had ‘the best bubble bath' of her life, I was like, OMG, I can't wait. To live up to my expectations, this guy was gonna have to look like an Adonis, dress like a metrosexual, smooth-talk like a…smooth-talker, and bathe in money. Only then could I understand why 50% of the RHONY ladies let him hit it and quit it. Instead, what do I get? A short, overweight, balding guy designing an app called ‘Poopy the Pig.' Um, excuse me? Can I get my money back? This guy is supposed to be, like, some kind of Casanova who can literally charm the pants off any woman. Instead, we get to see his one ‘line' to Aviva, which is, “You look good in that top.”

…you look good in that top? That's the best you've got for the mother of your child? Give me a break. You're on camera, you could at least try to convince America that you got all this vajeen because you're super charming in addition to being super rich. Aw, man. I'm legitimately disappointed. I thought we were going to see some master at work, not Danny DeVito‘s taller brother

I guess ultimately this just re-proved a theory so obvious that I forgot I even had it: a New York Housewife is still a Desperate Housewife, she's just on a different show.

(Image: Bravo)