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The 5 Best Quotes From The New York Times Review Of Grey Are Better Than The Book

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grey

If you thought we were done talking about Greythe apparently (and not exactly surprisingly) horrible Fifty Shades of Grey sequel (threequel? Fourquel? I've lost track) written by EL James from Christian Grey's perspective, then you were absolutely wrong. Why would we ever stop talking about something that, at its core, is nothing more than a goldmine for prime snarkitude, which, yes, is totally a word? This time, though, the snark is, admittedly, not mine: It actually belongs to Janet Maslin of The New York Times, and hoo boy, did she have some words.

As is the case with all popular literature in this country, The New York Times review can be the kiss of life or death. It can deter or encourage sales, and it can often make or ruin a writer's reputation. I'm not saying it's fair, but that's the way it is. So, when I found Maslin's review of James' fourth piece of work, I literally dropped everything I was doing (like, literally—who wants to buy me a new coffee mug?) and glued my eyes to the screen. And guys, it's good. And by “good,” I of course mean scathingly bad. But rather than just tell you how glorious it is, why don't I show you? Here are the five best quotes from the New York Times' review of Grey:

1. “Condolences to the 1.1 million people who rushed out to buy E.L. James's ‘Grey' in the first four days after its United States publication.”

ouch

(via)

This is the first line of the review. The FIRST. LINE. Have you ever seen a classic TV or movie villain kind of does a small clap but it's just with his fingers? You know what I mean? No? Well, whatever, that's what I did right after reading that line.

2. “[With ‘Grey'] we now get the same story from Christian’s point of view, and there are two new elements: his insecurity and his Greek chorus. The chorus, which has a lot of opinions, is in Christian’s pants.”

I hate it when my pants get too opinionated, or shall I say, too big for their britches?? I'm sorry.

3. “Damn! (This is Christian’s favorite inner thought, followed by, “Get a grip, Grey!”)”

Almost as good as my personal favorite expletive of Ana's, “Holy Moses!” Can you imagine if someone actually said that out of surprise during a real-life conversation? I think I would just stop talking, get up, and leave mid-sentence.

4. “When he’s not conversing with his lap, he’s offering unspoken taunts to Ana…”

This just brought up the image of a man staring intently down at his crotch, having a hearty discussion about politics.

5. “Speaking of cries for help, Ms. James leaves herself badly exposed by this book’s flagrant air of desperation.”

big bang theory

(via)

That GIF says it all.

(Photo: Penguin Random House UK)

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