Girls Is Terrible, And Such Small Portions: I Want All The Things

By  | 


This week's episode of Girls was a weird one. If you are a fan of the show's regular formula—harebrained schemes, amusing side characters, laughs at the characters' expense—you might have hated it. If you hate the show's regular formula, you almost definitely hated it, because Hannah talked about herself even more than usual. Personally, I fell somewhere in the middle; the alternating laughs of schadenfreude and recognition that make up much of my reason for watching the show were missing. But we got a glimpse into Hannah's inner workings that might yet stir up some empathy for her, despite how awfully she behaved in the last episode.

Act One: Cafe Grumpy

First things first: everyone is talking about how much they hate Hannah's romper. I will admit it is not doing her any favors (a purposeful move on the costume department's part, no doubt), but it is not a romper. It is a two piece. Let's leave rompers out of this.

Of course Hannah thinks she invented the work “sexit.” I thought I invented the word “napsturbate” until I looked it up in Urban Dictionary. It's a good idea to google these things before you tell them to people.

I'm going to go ahead and guess that Ray is good enough at his job not to blow up at every single person who complains about something. Plus, it's obvious from the very beginning that Hannah put the trash where it does not belong. Why would Ray give her the benefit of the doubt about anything at this point? It's clear that he's been thrown off his game by his girlfriend's recent realization that he is a loser. Oh, Ray. Let's hope Rayshanna starts getting the screen time they deserve in the next ep so we can see the situation evolve.

Act Two: Is This A Dream Sequence?

I can't decide if Hannah's weird fetish for putting trash where it's not supposed to go is weird and endearing, or a sign of how bored/boring she is. Maybe it's both?

From the second she approaches the ridiculously nice house of the hot angry guy (played by the charming and handsome Patrick Wilson), it is obvious Hannah's going to try to have sex with him. What is somewhat surprising is that it not only works, but is apparently pretty great! I guess someone liked her outfit, after all. Assuming he's not just getting her off because he wants her to leave his trash cans alone, I mean.

Hannah is so into fucking a married guy that she doesn't even care that he and his wife are actually separated. You can see her writing her JazzHate story in her head already. Also: cataloging what everything must have cost. Guess she's not too cool to be materialistic, after all.

“What did you do?” Hannah is both accusatory and prying when asking Joshua about his divorce. Then again, he did just have sex with her, so maybe she is allowed? One fun thing about one night stands (and this seems destined to be one) is you can talk to someone however you like with no real consequences. (More on that later.)

The bit with the rowdy young neighbors is a nice splash of comic relief. Only in North Brooklyn could a hot 42-year-old doctor be made to feel like an “old ghost.”

Is Hannah recreating that scene where she broke up with Adam when she asks Joshua to beg her to stay? I don't know, but my general impression of it is of an adult humoring a child.

“I want you to make me come”: Hannah finally told a man what she wants in bed! Either this is a dream sequence, or we can celebrate a milestone in Girls history.

She might not have looked beautiful in that two-piece, but Hannah really does look beautiful while lying naked in the morning sun. Suck it, body snarkers.

…And now they are skipping work to play topless ping pong on the veranda! Has Hannah died and gone to directioness 20-something heaven?

Only Hannah would be bold enough to mess with the buttons on the very fancy and expensive shower of a person whose home she is a guest in. This could be seen as a metaphor for what comes next.

Act Three: Hannah Fucks It Up

“What is it, sweetie?” Okay, the guy is now officially Hannah's father figure. But Hannah's real dad seems basically fine. Just goes to show not all girls who go for older men have daddy issues.

And now for the monologue that is bound to be the most polarizing part of this episode, the meat of which is this:

“I made a promise such a long time ago that I was gonna take in experiences, all of them, so I could tell other people about them and maybe save them, but it gets so tiring trying to take in all the experiences for everybody.”

Controversial opinion: I both love it and hate it, because it is true. Like Jessa, Hannah is out to collect experiences. But unlike Jessa, Hannah is not living her life for its own sake, but so she can catalog experiences and study them like so many bugs under a microscope until all spontaneity and passion has been wrung out forever. It's no fun to read about someone else's personal shit if it feels manufactured, a truth Hannah has yet to fully discover. But the first step is realizing you, the artiste, are just like anybody else (and human, need to be loved, etc), so good for her. The second is realizing you write more compellingly after you start being honest with yourself, not less. The third is realizing there are other things to write about besides yourself, believe it or not. At least, that's what I've come to think after gaining some experience in the matter.

Hannah's revelation that she maybe made up a story about being molested by her babysitter is a definite callback to the “fork in vagina” incident Lena Dunham wrote about in her book proposal.

…And just when I am starting to feel tenderly towards her, Hannah reminds us what a selfish jerk she is by immediately discounting Joshua's own sexual trauma, as well as whatever other details he has told her about himself, including his goddamn name.

Hannah is obviously being incredibly inappropriate, but I ask of you: who among us has not taken advantage of the “never having to see you” again perks of a one-night stand to use your new “friend” as your own personal sounding board/therapist when you've alienated all your real friends? And/or just said some weird, possibly made up shit to them just for the fuck of it? Show of hands?

Hannah can't resist putting trash in his can one last delicious time. I feel he's going to disappear into the cityspace like a ruggedly handsome phantom, but he does live two doors down from Hannah's place of work (if she gets her job back), so who knows?

And is it just me, or is the music at the end supposed to sound like the music from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown? Discuss.