Game Of Thrones: I Hope You Like Your Weddings Red

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The Red Wedding Game Of Thrones Season 3 Episode 9

Last night was a big night on Game Of Thrones, you guys. Based on the amount of violence and gore that took place in Sunday night's episode, I now understand why the show took last week off. They were saving up all the cringe-worthy moments and packing them into the final ten minutes of the same episode. It was rough, errbody. It was really rough.

We start out with Robb and Catelyn Stark discussing their plans to take Casterly Rock from the Lannisters. Catelyn is urging caution, which Robb wants to make sure he hears, because the last time he ignored her advice, Theon burned Winterfell. However, even though the plan is fraught with the danger of being caught between Tywin Lannister‘s army and the sea if their timing is off, Catelyn eventually comes around, telling Robb to “show them how it feels to lose what they love”. Damn girl!

The whole Stark party arrives at the Twins, and eats salt and bread with Walder Frey, who officially extends his hospitality and guest rights to them. Robb has come to beg forgiveness for breaking his word to marry a Frey daughter and marrying Talisa instead, so Walder lines up all his weak-chinned daughters and granddaughters to hear Robb's words. Robb says some really nice things about how it doesn't reflect poorly on them at all, and that all he did he did for love. Talisa comes forward so Walder can see her, and he spends some time talkin' all classy, trying to bate Robb with lines like “nice tits and a tight fit”. Wowzers.

Over near Yunkai, the sexual tension between Daenerys and Daario Naharis is heating up hardcore, and Jorah Mormont is zero percent interested in it. Daario is recommending that he take a small group of men and sneak into a back gate of the city, then fight their way forward to open the front gates, allowing their army to enter and sack it. Jorah worries that Daario is setting them up for a trap, but when Daenerys hears that Grey Worm trusts Daario, she puts her faith in him as well.

In the forest somewhere, Sam and Gilly are still wandering around with Gilly's baby, although now they have a destination in mind — the Black Gate, which will lead them to the Nightfort — that Sam learned about from all the old books at Castle Black. And from being a WIZARD. According to Gilly.

Arya and The Hound are still ranging around together as well, this time helping a guy with his wagon so The Hound can punch him out and steal it. He's about to kill the man as well, but Arya stops him, pleading for his life. Sandor stays his sword, but makes fun of her, saying she's kind and it will get her killed, to which Arya responds by clocking the cart guy with a board across the face. How do you like me now?

Somewhere in The Gift, Jojen and Meera Reed, Osha, Hodor, and Bran and Rickon Stark come across an abandoned tower and decide to take shelter there for the night, sending the direwolves off to hunt.

Jon Snow is continuing to travel with the wildlings, who come across the man who breeds horses for the Night's Watch. The wildlings want to kill him, but Jon speaks up for him, making Orell suspicious. The man leaps on a horse and rides off, and Jon yells at Ygritte for firing an arrow at him, even though she misses.

Back with Arya again, The Hound is taunting her for being afraid. He calls her out on being afraid she won't make it to her family after coming so close again. She denies being afraid and calls him out in turn for being afraid of fire. The Hound points out that Arya hasn't been so close to a family member since her father Ned Stark was beheaded, and Arya responds with my favorite line delivery of the season: “Someday, I'm gonna put a sword through your eye and out the back of your skull.”

Back in the tower with the assorted Starks and Reeds and whatnot, they're trying to decide how they're going to get over the wall, when a lone rider appears outside. It's the horse guy from Jon's world, being pursued by the wildlings. A fight breaks out, and Hodor is freaking out over the storm, being loud enough to draw the attention of Orell outside. No one can calm Hodor down, so on a whim Brandon slips into his body somehow and makes him go silent. At which point everyone is like OMG WHAT DID YOU DO.

Meanwhile, back outside, the wildlings want Jon to kill the horse guy to prove he's one of them. Jon is balking, so Ygritte kills the guy with an arrow, at which point all hell breaks loose. The wildlings turn on Jon, and Ygritte is trying to protect him, until Orell holds her down and tells her not to waste her time. Enter angry direwolves! Bran slips into their skins and makes them defend Jon while he kills Orell and is attacked by his eagle. Then he hops on a horse and escapes, abandoning Ygritte.

In Yunkai, Jorah and Grey Worm are staking out the back gate, following Daario in only to be attacked by vast hordes of people.

At the Twins, Edmure Tully is about to meet his bride, assuming she's the least attractive of Walder Frey's daughters. But instead, it's Roslin Frey and she's beautiful. What's up, Freys?

In the tower, Bran tells his companions that he saw Jon, and has to admit to the others that he went inside Hodor's mind, which Jojen says is something he's never heard of anyone being able to do. Bran announces he's not going to Castle Black, that he's seeking the three-eyed raven instead with Hodor and the Reeds while Rickon and Osha go to the Umbers for protection. They're leaving right now and Rickon is sad, Osha is great, and Shaggydog is going too.

Dany is getting impatient waiting, when finally Jorah and Grey Worm return with good news of the slaves of Yunkai having laid down their weapons in surrender to join her cause. The city is sacked, but all Dany cares about is news of Daario. What a sad bear face on that Jorah Mormont.

Robb Stark and Talisa at the Red Wedding Game Of Thrones Season 3 Episode 9

Annnnd now to the wedding. The Red Wedding, if you will. Roose Bolton is making a point of not drinking, telling stories of his own Frey wife, a fat one he chose when Walder told him he could have his bride's weight in silver. When it comes time for the bedding, Talisa doesn't understand the custom, and has to have it explained to her, at which point she tells Robb she wants to name their child Eddard if it's a boy. Outside, Arya and The Hound come into the camp, pretending to be vendors delivering food. Inside, Catelyn is getting suspicious, as the door is bolted shut from the inside. Roose Bolton's arm is lying on the table, and she slides his sleeve up to see that he's wearing mail under his clothing. He gives her a winky sort of eye to acknowledge that shit is about to go down, and she stands and slaps him, screaming at Robb to run. A guy comes out of nowhere and repeatedly stabs Talisa in the belly, as Robb and Catelyn are shot full of crossbows. They're murdering everyone in the wedding hall, and people outside, too, which Arya sees as she hides outside, having escaped The Hound. She watches them kill Grey Wind in his pen, and is only stopped from going inside to join her family by The Hound, who says it's too late and knocks her out, slinging her over his shoulder.

Back inside, Robb rises and goes to Talisa, dead on the floor, as Walder taunts him. Catelyn, full of arrows, manages to stand and reach Walder Frey's wife, pleading for Robb's life. She offers herself as a hostage and says she'll forget everything that was done to them if they'll release Robb. If they kill him, however, she'll slit his wife's throat, to which Walder responds, “I'll find another.” Roose Bolton steps up to Robb and says “The Lannisters send their regards” as he stabs him. Catelyn kills the wife and then has her own throat slit. END OF EPISODE.

Catelyn Stark killing Walder Frey's wife at the Red Wedding Game Of Thrones Season 3 Episode 9

Holy shit that was intense. I can't wait for next week.