Riddle Me This: I Hated Every Single Girl On Gallery Girls, But I Loved The Show

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You know what people don't understand about New York? It's the most cutthroat place in the world to live. Literally, if you don't watch your back on the subway, someone will cut your throat — and it will probably be a co-worker who's going after the same promotion as you. Also she'll be played by Brian William's daughter in the TV biopic about your tragic life and the dangers of living in NYC when you're a young, aspirational 20-something who confuses Sex and the City plot lines with legitimate NYC resources like Yelp, Menupages and Seamless Web.

Or so TV shows like Gallery Girls would like to have everyone who doesn't live in NYC to believe. Every possible career you could ever want falls between unattainable and completely unrealistic. We're all just a bunch of waitresses/babysitters/Girls extras waiting for our big break. And we're stuck waiting in bubble baths and luxury buildings and other horrid places to wait.

Oh also, our parents l-o-v-e paying for us to follow our dreams, reach our goals and another buzzworthy phrase that parents use to justify finanicing their daughter's 3-year-internship at an art gallery run by everyone's favorite estranged uncle. Oh Uncle Eli Klein.

Last night we met our favorite new girls to hate-watch. Each one was worse than the next. I spent the entire episode trying to figure out who I'd be more likely to spit on if I ever saw her in public. Would it be Chantal Chadwick with her Brooklyn red lipstick and inability to understand a budget? Or uptown (but not really, because she lives in Gramercy) Liz Margulies with her hilaroius banter about her dad owning millions of dollars of artwork?

Soundbite after soundbite I wondered how these girls possibly thought stringing those words together sounded like a good idea. The things they said couldn't be blamed on editing, because these were words SPILLING out of their own mouths.

Claudia Martinez Reardon actually dares to cry on television because she's unsure she'll be able to repay the $15,000 loan her family gave her to open her gallery/clothing store End of Century. (Also, sidenote, I don't have my MBA yet, but wouldn't any family willing to part with $15,000 understand that it takes a long time to make a business profitable?) As if that's a normal problem to have and to cry over.

And then to add to the absurdity of this super-first-world-problem, Chantal says that she contributed money to their gallery too. Well her aunt gave them $2500. Do these people understand that most people do not start businesses at 23 using their family's resources. It doesn't matter how much the Lower East Side needs something unique and artsy (as someone who's spent time in the Lower East Side, they don't), you should wait until you have the experience and money to open it on your own.

But that's just my middle-class upbringing speaking. It speaks to me a lot during this show. The angrier I got, the more addicted I became to the show. Almost as addicted as Angela Pham is to herself — and her ability daring to pose with things in her pussy and then say the word pussy. Naturally she's an aspiring photographer who models.

Just as natural it is that Amy Poliakoff and Maggie Schaffer don't pay their rent. Because, hello, what's the point of a trust fund if not to help your child succeed in the cutthroat world of art galleries?! Jobs are for commoners. Internships are for talented young women who can' t be expected to reach for their dreams AND party at night AND pay their own rent. God, I feel disgusted even thinking about someone attempting to do all that.

And then we come to Kerri Lisa, the new intern who dares to wear a leather skirt and fur coat to an internship. I think Amy managed to hold down her vomit after witnessing that art world faux-paus. But how long Amy will be able to hide her disdain is unclear.

The show is a train wreck for almost every single person involved. And I'm proud to say I just bought my monthly pass so I can ride it all season long.

Also, it will be a great way to remind myself to remind my parents to pay my rent. It's just the worst when they forget! It's like, just pay it at the same time that you pay for Fresh Direct. Parents!

(Photos: Bravo TV)