I’m Sorry In Advance That This Friends Reunion Won’t Live Up To Your Expectations

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friends reunion on Ellen with Jennifer Aniston May 2013

Word on the street is that Jennifer Aniston will be co-hosting The Ellen Show with Ellen DeGeneres today. Why? I don't know. Maybe Sophia Grace and Rosie couldn't skip school today. Maybe Jennifer wants to announce that she's still not pregnant. I'm really not sure.

What's important is that Jen threw herself a little impromptu Friends reunion in honor of the show and it went a lot differently than you've ever imagined. Unless of course you imagined the cast getting back together for a talk show sketch and coming off like they've never acted before — let alone together in a long-running ensemble show. But before I depress you too much, let's start at the beginning.

Jennifer Aniston stops by Matthew Perry's house to ask him for some hosting advice. He's all like, “um, why are you here, we only played friends on a TV show?” But not in a funny Chandler Bing way, more in the “I'm a first time actor filming a heartburn medication commercial way.” Then Courteney Cox comes out of the house and Jen's all like, “you're sleeping together?!!?” Cue more acting school style skills. Finally Portia de Rossi and Ellen exist the house too. I know, I know, it's Ellen's show, so that's why they got to make their cameo. But where were Ross, Phoebe and Joey? I know they're not all friends in real life, but they couldn't be bothered to come film a 5-minute-sketch? That's how not-friends-in-real-life they are? Someone grab my suitcase because I'm catching the first train to disappointment city, you can find me taking nostalgia shots at the bar. I just always pictured the Friends cast game to do anything that involves them getting to mess around together again. But it turns out that's just not the case.

So yeah, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should go ahead and cancel your rally for that Friends movie. I think it's better off in our memories than on any kind of big screen. Look, I learned that lesson the hard way when I rewatched Homeward Bound this year as an adult. Sometimes it's truly smarter just to remember things fondly — and not spend 90 minutes wondering why Sassy got away with being such a heinous bitch. Or in this case, if the acting was always this uncomfortable.