The Fifty Shades Of Grey Trailer Just Premiered, So Wake Up Your Lady Parts

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Fifty Shades of Grey trailer Jamie Dornan shirtless July 2014

After being teased the new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer by Beyonce earlier this week (and then being really confused about why Beyonce was teasing the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer), we finally got it this morning on Today. The movie's stars, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, also showed up in studio to present it. “Here's a morning-TV-safe sneak peek at a Hollywood movie based on porn. Enjoy!” they said as they handed the trailer to Matt Lauer on a silver platter. Okay, I'll admit none of that actually happened. They mostly sat awkwardly on the couch.

I'm actually not very well-versed in the Fifty Shades world. I've never read the book, but I've definitely heard some tampon-related horror stories from it. I've also paid attention to the mess that's been the movie's production. Not only did it take forever to cast the damn thing, but when the stars finally were cast, one of them didn't even last. Then we had to go through a whole new round of “Who's hot enough to play Christian Grey?” until we finally got this guy and crossed our fingers he wouldn't chicken out. That's not to mention the fact that the release date got moved.

The trailer itself mostly just features Dakota Johnson doing her best impression of Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada while a slowed-down, creepy version of “Crazy in Love” plays. The TV version was very tame, the raciest part being an elevator kiss (oooh, explicit), but the online version is a little sexier, with a few sneaks peeks at bondage. It might have been more titillating if the leads didn't look like they were about to fall asleep the whole time. I'm just not seeing much chemistry. Or much energy. Or much being alive in general. Watch the trailer and see for yourself, and then mark your calendar for next Valentine's Day.