Farrah Abraham Wants To Write A Christian Parenting Book Because She’s Obviously The Most Qualified

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Farrah Abraham Book Expo America May 31 2014

I know you haven't heard about little ol' Farrah Abraham in a hot minute, but these days, she's planning to write a Christian parenting book. And I couldn't imagine anyone more well-suited for the job! In terms of upholding religious sentiments, Farrah is basically the Pope on his best day. So, yeah, it makes a ton of sense for her to release a Christian-themed parenting resource to mamas and papas everywhere.

About her plans to remain relevant for as long as we, the human race, will allow, Farrah begins by saying that she and her friends aren't like regular Christians; they're ~cool~ Christians.

“I go to church as often as possible and I have great Christian friends — and those aren’t the ones who say they’re Christian and then act like other.”

Halt and search the definition of irony immediately. It confused me a lot throughout high school, but I'm pretty sure this here is it in all of its shining glory. By no means am I shaming her for doing porn, because I believe that everyone is free to choose what to do with his or her own body. It's just that, even if the religious text of your choice doesn't explicitly say, “No ‘accidentally' releasing TWO homemade porn videos on the internet,” it's probably still not so highly recommended.

Farrah continues that her reasons for making an entire community of religious believers roll their eyes is because she's just trying to help.

“My parents didn’t really help me get any closer to God, it was my own choice and I just see a lot of good things happening and I only want good things for everybody else. So if I could say that through a type of Christian parenting book, I think that’s something that wouldn’t hurt them, it would help them and their children. It would give them a kind of support and guide to use throughout their journey in life together and I would just be happy to share that.”

I'm not sure why the book would need to be aligned with any specific religion in order to help families figure out why their poop machines won't stop crying. Also, I don't know if a chapter devoted to things like plucking your baby's eyebrows is the kind of child-rearing advice that anyone is looking for. But do your thing, girl. And I'll do mine, which consists of thinking really hard to try to figure out how anyone will keep a straight face anytime she tells them about this book.

(Photo: Joel Ginsburg/WENN)