Ellen DeGeneres Has the Perfect Solution for Everyone Who Thinks Starbucks Is Ruining Christmas
Admittedly, I still don't understand what the controversy behind Starbucks' red holiday cups is all about. You get people who are mad when Christmas is shoved down all of our throats from November 1st to Christmas Day, because we neglect all the other holidays and not everyone celebrates Christmas and blah blah blaaaaah. Then we have people who get irritated when the world isn't covered in red and green glitter and people say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” so I don't even fucking know. Just give me some peppermint hot chocolate and IDGAF what the cup looks like — I'll be a happy little lady.
On her show, Ellen DeGeneres weighed in on the controversy and proposed a great solution, actually. “The old cups had snowflakes and Santa's sleigh and elves. You know, all the things that you find in the Bible,” she deadpanned. As for the new cup, she joked, “Now, there's just red. You might as well call it a Satan sipper.”
She read the following statement from Starbucks about the issue: “Belonging, inclusion and diversity are the core values of Starbucks, and Starbucks wants to give customers an experience that inspires the spirit of the season.”
She added, sarcastically: “How dare they.”
“If you want Christmas with your breakfast, you're going to have to do it the old fashioned way: You have to get really, really high, and then you have to go to IHOP and just stare at your pancakes until you go, ‘I see baby Jesus in there.'”
Or, for $99 (“slightly less than the cost of a venti frappucino,” according to Ellen), you can buy a pair of her new Starbucks holiday vision glasses: sunglasses adorned with snowflakes, a Santa hat and a snowman.
She explained that if you put them on and go into Starbucks you'll “see Christmas everywhere you look — and not much else.”
Ellen, for the win. Also, to the people for reals mad about these cups, can we please remember just ONE thing? There are real problems in the world. Real, serious, big problems. Let's focus on them instead of the color of a dumbass coffee cup.