Duck Dynasty Guy Says Jesus Was A Homophobe, Which Is Super Christian Of Him

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Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson on the cover of GQ December 2013Thank goodness for Phil Robertson, y'know? I was just sitting here getting worried that celebrities might be done saying inane things on my birthday, and then along he came to remind me that Jesus was a homophobe. Sigh of relief.

In case you aren't up-to-date on your celebrity idiots, this is the bearded, religious, reality TV idiot from Duck Dynasty who got himself suspended from his own show last year with some severely racist and homophobic comments. You know, those ones where he compared homosexuality to bestiality and said he'd never seen a pre-civil rights era black person be anything but happy and singing in the fields. So yeah.

You'd think he might have used that suspension downtime for some deep-thinking about the true message of Christianty (although he was back on Duck Dynasty episodes airing in January, so maybe he didn't have time), but you'd be wrong. Or actually, he'd be wrong. Because he reevaluated his ideas and opinions for his new book unPHILtered (get it????), and now he's ready to lump Jesus in with his homophobia as well! How very Christian of you!

Phil Robertson: “People need to get it in their head, dude. I don't hate anybody.”

Interviewer: “Would you consider yourself a homophobe?”

Phil Robertson: “I'm as much of a homophobe as Jesus was. People who are participating in homosexual behavior — they need to know that I love them.”

That's right, they participate in homosexual behavior, just like you participate in heterosexual behavior. And I'm sure both of you could quit anytime. But regardless, come on! I'm no religious scholar, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to put words in Jesus' mouth, especially when they're about what is and isn't a sin.

Although now that you mentioned it, I'm pretty sure I heard Jesus say that reality shows, being an ignoramus, and dirty gray beards are a sin. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's not my fault you're an idiot!