A Cliff Notes Guide To The Ridiculous Duck Dynasty Homophobia And Racism Scandal

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Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson on the cover of GQ December 2013Alright, I guess I've ignored Duck Dynasty for as long as I possibly can, and now it's time to address the controversy surrounding this show money factory right now and see if I can get you guys up-to-date.

…not about why this show is popular, mind you, because I haven't the foggiest idea. Byt about the bigotry and hate spewing out of the mouth of Phil Robertson, the star of the show and the patriarch of the family that it features. For a long time, Phil seemed to be a nice enough guy, just as long as you loved Bibles and hated living ducks, but now he's showing his true colors, and it turns out those colors have a strong tint of homophobia and a distinct hue of racism.

In a recent interview with GQ, Phil dug himself into a really deep hole of stupidity, and It started a little something like this, with a really thoughtful, in-depth argument for why everyone should stop being so gay all the time.

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

But not content with just reminding all those big gay idiots out there that vaginas exist, he elected to also bring religion into it. Just to make sure we're covering as many offensive bases as possible.

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men … Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

I won't even address how insane that is, because hopefully I don't have to, and we can move swiftly along to his next bigoted comment. Otherwise we'll never make it through in time. This one is about people of color. Again, covering a lot of ground:

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I'm with the blacks, because we're white trash. We're going across the field…. They're singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!… Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

Black people love to work! They're so grateful to white people for letting them work! Just listen to them sing! And just to wrap things up, here's Phil's half-assed attempt at an apology (via A&E) for his homophobic comments:

“My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”

As of now, Phil himself has been placed on indefinite hiatus from Duck Dynasty, but the show itself is unaffected. Here's A&E's statement:

“We are extremely disappointed to have read Phil Robertson's comments in GQ, which are based on his own personal beliefs and are not reflected in the series Duck Dynasty. His personal views in no way reflect those of A+E Networks, who have always been strong supporters and champions of the LGBT community. The network has placed Phil under hiatus from filming indefinitely.”

While it's nice that Phil has been removed, it's a bummer that it's only temporary, and that the show itself — not to mention its $400 million empire — probably won't be affected.

(Photo: GQ)