DNC Announces Star Studded Lineup; Why Are So Many Celebrities Democrats?

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No matter your political affiliation, you have to admit that the DNC is heaps more glamorous than the RNC. The RNC had a ton of old white dudes (one of whom yelled at a chair) and some of the worst music of all time, while the DNC just announced that its speakers will include Scarlett Johansson, Kerry Washington, and Natalie Portman, with a performance by universally liked band The Foo Fighters. Which begs the question: why are so many celebrities democrats?

1.) Guilt

Hollywood actors get paid a ridiculous amount of money to play dress up and pretend to be other people. Most of them feel a little bit guilty about this, and think some of that money should go to providing basic social services to people who can't afford food, clothes, etc. While business tycoons like Mitt Romney set out to make money for the sake of making money, actors generally set out to…well, act. The embarrassment of riches is just a nice side effect. Hence, they're not as in love with keeping every last million they make as a rich person whose sole objective in life is to gather fat stacks.

2.) Gender

A ton of the A-list celebrities speaking at the convention are women. Women are more likely to be democrats because our womanly uteri make us feel empathy for the poors, and also because most of us would like to maintain control of said uteri, even as they control us back.

3.) Sexuality

A lot of people working in the entertainment business are queer. If a celebrity is not LGBT him or herself, chances are they know at least a few LGBT people. It's a lot harder to support discriminatory laws when the people being discriminated against are your friends, colleagues, hairdressers, etc.

4.) Various “Social” Issues

Everyone in Hollywood does drugs and has orgies and gets divorced and is generally going to hell. If Michele Bachmann were ever to succeed at imposing her Christian version of Sharia law on this country, they'd all be thrown in jail.

5.) Age

Celebrities tend to be young, hip and attractive. Young people are way more liberal than old people, whom we are pretty much waiting to die off so society can advance.

6.) Celebrities Are Awesome People

According to every magazine profile ever written, celebrities are gentle, humble creatures who appreciate the randomness with which good fortune was bestowed upon them and want to “give back” however they can. Part of how they try to give back is by supporting the better of two power-hungry men who want to run a fatally flawed system. At least, until they start reading Karl Marx. At which point their giant, good-looking faces will lead an unusually pretty revolution !

(Via The Hollywood Reporter)

Photo: WENN.com