The 7 Funniest Lines From Reviewers Who Thought Divergent Was Terrible

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Divergent Kiss

Not that this gets in the way of our feelings about Shailene Woodley's career, but it looks like her first big Blockbuster release, Divergent, isn't actually that great of a movie. I haven't seen it yet, partly because I'm pretty out of the Divergent loop, but since I enjoy dystopian stuff so much, I was strongly considering going to see it. However, if I'm basing that decision on any of the recent reviews by these critics, this is one butt that won't be in a movie chair at a showing of this movie.

If you're not yet sure what the movie is about, don't feel too badly because neither am I. But what I've gleaned from its commercials and from conversations with rabid fans of the book series, it follows the story of 16 year-old Tris (Woodley) who discovers that she is a special little law-breaker because her personality doesn't fit into any of her society's five factions. If you think that that sounds way too much like the plots of The Hunger Games or Harry Potter, brace yourself because there are apparently much bigger issues with this movie. And here are 7 very funny lines from movie reviews complaining about them.

(I'm not totally sure if there are spoilers to follow, but just in case, cover your eyes, ears, and computer screen. But, I should warn you, it will be very difficult to read these hilar quotes that way.)

1. “Given the recent failure of teen fantasies like ‘Beautiful Creatures,' ‘The Host' and ‘Ender’s Game,' you’d think Hollywood would be more careful about picking franchises. Instead, we get a version of Veronica Roth’s best-selling YA trilogy that plays out like patched together fan fiction.NY Daily News

What's that that I hear? Is it — it's — it's shots being fired, I knew it!

2. “They leap onto moving trains! They jump between buildings! Why not wait for the train to stop? No one's ever heard of stairs?”Vanity Fair

The rest of the review talks about how little sense the entire movie (premise and all) makes, and I think that this excerpt is the best possible depiction of that. Why don't they just do things practically? Isn't imminent death enough stress to manage?

3. “Here's a tip when it comes to creating villains in your stories — they're (sic) one and only character trait can't be that they are an asshole. Eric, is an asshole. Nothing more, nothing less. He shows up, he's an asshole and he keeps that going throughout the entire feature to the point you're dreading his involvement in any future scenes.”Rope of Silicon

Isn't it weird how the protagonists are sociopaths and the villains are unrelenting jerks? Like, who are we supposed to be rooting for here, huh guys?

4. “Unfortunately, most of her training takes place in ‘The Pit,' which looks very much like an ’80s health club, complete with rock-climbing walls.”The New York Post

Best mental image ever, thanks NY Post pals.

5. “At 143 minutes, though, the movie feels overly long, and by the end, you may want to hop onto one of those trains yourself and hope it arrives somewhere a lot less grim.” – Boston.com

Too bad you wouldn't be able to take a plane somewhere nicer because flight services have apparently been suspended indefinitely in their society.

6. “Director Neil Burger amps up every snap, crackle and pop, but there’s no escaping the fact: what we have is science fiction that devotes its considerable resources to imagining the future of SAT tests.” The Guardian

Hm, it seems like a sort of crappy idea altogether when you put it that way…

7. “In all candor, and with all the amity I can muster, “Divergent” is as dauntingly dumb as it is dauntingly long.”The Wall Street Journal

And, I should stress, it's quite dauntingly long.

(GIF: Giphy)