Dial-A-Star Is The Most Tragic thing I’ve Ever Seen, And I’ve Seen Michael Lohan In A Mesh Shirt

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Smell that? It's the scent of desperation and fear.

Hear that? It's the claws of F-list celebrities who are grasping for their 16th minute of fame.

Feel that? It's your phone in your hand calling “stars” like Octomom, Tila Tequila and Danielle Staub for anywhere between $5 to $27 dollars a minute.

Yes it's true. Thanks to Dial-A-Star.com, you can now call a star whenever your heart desires, provided you don't care that the star isn't really a “star” and you don't care that you're spending obscene amounts of money. It's totally worth it to sign over your savings account to find out what really happened between Kate Major ($10/minute) and Michael Lohan ($18/minute).

From their official website, designed exclusively by Geocities in 1997:

Dial-a-Star.com is the only place you can talk directly to a TRUE Celebrity! Our service is unique and offers a completely discreet one on one conversation with celebs. This service is completely private and anonymous. The celebs cannot see your phone number, address, e-mail, or billing details. All communication is secure and private. No ones listens in and calls are never recorded. After registering you can deposit call credits into your account and use your account balance to connect to the celebs. Your credit card is not charged unless you choose to deposit call credits into your account. The call will not appear on your phone bill. Billed as MFT Services.

Sounds too good to be true? TMZ thought so too, until they rang Michael Lohan up on the phone and he actually picked up. Which is smart of Lohan because according to Newser, he's made $3500 since the site launched last week. Want to throw up your lunch? Danielle Staub, the most popular star so far, made $7000.

Yes, this is what society's come to, people paying Danielle Staub to speak with her on the phone. Like I said, it's an absolute tragedy.

With the exception of Wendy Williams using Dial-A-Star to reach Dina Lohan, nothing else really comes close.