Crushable Quotable: The Kardashians Work While You Are Sleeping

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Although The Soup host Joel McHale likes to remind everyone that Kim Kardashian is famous for having a big ass and a sex tape, family momager Kris Jenner tells Redbook magazine that the whole family works their less-famous asses off. “It's annoying when I hear, ‘What do your girls do?' Well, first of all, all of my daughters have jobs. They are fashion stylists and designers; they own a chain of stores. They had the stores before they had the show,” Kris said. “And my kids worked from the time they were 13 years old. So to me, that's a huge misconception that the girls don't work. They work 25 hours a day.”

I'm no math genius, but I'm pretty sure that it's impossible to work 25 hours a day, unless the Kardashians somehow got ahold of that turn-back-time clock thing that Hermione had in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. More likely, she's talking about the fact that the family has so many endorsement deals that ads are running all over the world at any given time of the day, which somehow counts as working since they're profiting off of it (sort of like “the sun never sets on the British empire,” but evil). And while it's possible that Kris just doesn't know the number of hours in a day and said 25 instead of 24, I think it's supposed to be one of those “I give 110 percent!” things that people love to trot out in job interviews or in the boardroom of The Apprentice. They say this knowing that giving more than 100 percent is not possible, and instead of making them sound like good workers it just makes them sound like self-aggrandizing yes men. And the more Kris has to talk about how hard her daughters work and how long they've been working, the less I believe her.

There's a great Southern expression: “guilty dogs always bark.” In other words: “People who keep talking have something to hide.” It's sort of like when celebrities go on and on in interviews about how great their relationship is and then break up six weeks later. If you have to tell people something repeatedly, that usually means that you're trying to convince them – and yourself – that it's true. Does Bruce Springsteen ever have to announce how famous he is or how hard he works? No. He just keeps doing his thing, and everybody knows it. That's what happens to people who have a talent outside of blatant self-promotion.