As Long As Courtney Stodden Is Inappropriately Naked, The World Isn’t Ending

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Sensing general despair over the state of humanity lately, Courtney Stodden wanted us all to have “some Christmas cheer” and shared a very naked, very pink Santa-themed photo shoot with E! and the rest of the world today.  This began a very frightening train of thought for me where I wondered if there is or ever will be a place or time where Courtney Stodden would ever wear real clothes?

And then it hit me: I'd probably have to become a Doomsday enthusiast if I ever saw Courtney Stodden fully clothed.  Since this has not happened that I know of, I can't resign myself to preparing for the world's end tomorrow.

Think about it.  Would she wear appropriate attire to a funeral?  Probably not.  Wedding Crashers taught us that death is “nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.”  On a plane?  Doubtful.  Drawing attention to yourself on an airplane is probably the least difficult thing to do, ever.  Why waste such an opportunity by wearing a hoodie and sweatpants?  Courtney knows better than that.  Weddings are out too.  Girls today treat a wedding reception like a Wet Seal fashion show these days anyhow, so I can only imagine the ways Courtney Stodden could upstage not just the bride but every single guest as well.

While the Mayan calendar believers are out buying end-of-times supplies like Bush's baked beans and Crystal Light mix, I'll be at home with a glass of wine and Kevin McCallister OnDemand.

(Photo: WENN)