Charlie Is Leaving Girls, So Let Me Find A Way To Blame This On Lena Dunham

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Christopher Abbot attending Being Flynn screening Tribeca Grand Hotel January 2012 plaid coatIt's just been announced that Christopher Abbott has abruptly left Girls, where he played Marnie's boyfriend Charlie. Wait, no! But what? WHY?!? I had so much hope for Charlie! He was the cutest guy on the show, and he made me believe that one day, if I worked really hard at it and got just as skinny as Allison Williams, I could one day have a boyfriend who didn't ask me to step on his balls. You know, those dreams that all little girls dream when they still think fairy tales are real. But all my hopes of actual good sex on the show's third season and all the ‘little brown babies' I was weirdly promised in the season two finale have just been dashed, because he's GONE. And just when his start-up business seemed to be going so well!

Chris' representative confirmed his departure this morning, announcing that his client ” is grateful for the experience of collaborating with Lena, Judd [Apatow], and the entire Girls cast and crew, but right now he’s working on numerous other projects and has decided not to return to the show.” But apparently I really do get to blame this on Lena Dunham, just like so many people were gonna do anyway, because a source tells the New York Post that Christopher and the show's creator (and resident Hannah Horvath) don't get along.

“They’ve just started work on Season 3, and Chris is at odds with Lena. He didn’t like the direction things are going in, which seems a bit odd since the show put him on the map.”

How dare you, Lena Dunham, how DARE you take the show in a direction that its only likeable male character doesn't want. Now I have to go back to vacillating in between being terrified of Adam Driver‘s character Adam and pitying Alex Karpovsky‘s Ray. And that's all in between covering my eyes with my hands to keep myself from watching you puncture your own eardrum or pull a splinter out of your ass. There's already so much on the show that makes me uncomfortable (although it hasn't stopped me watching, obviously, so kudos on that), we need Charlie. I would sleep in that wooden wonderland he built in his apartment! I would allow that bearded face to kiss mine! I would have that sex in that weird party — where I totally would not have sung any Kanye West! Ugh! Who am I supposed to have a crush on, now? You better be planning on bringing back Donald Glover.

(Image: HRC / WENN.com)