Chris Martin Is Ready To Introduce J-Law To His Kids, Still Not Ready To Introduce Her To Us

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Chris Martin laughing GIFContinuing their trend of moving faster than any other relationship (fakelationship?) in Hollywood, Chris Martin is apparently almost ready to introduce Jennifer Lawrence to his kids. Which I think is pretty damn ironic, considering he hasn't even introduced her to us yet.

As I've griped about time and again, these two have supposedly been going on cozy little dates and gazing into each others' eyes during Coldplay concerts since July 1st, and still we don't have so much as a publicist's statement or a single grainy cell phone photo of them together. (Well, we did have that one, but they're not standing next to each other and they're walking in separate directions, so it leaves something to be desired.

But anyway, even though Chris still refuses to bring Jennifer home to dinner so that your father and I can get to know her, he's supposedly champing at the bit to introduce her to Apple, 10, and Moses, 8, his kids with Gwyneth Paltrow. And speaking of Gwyneth, we're still not sure that she didn't fabricate all these dating rumors herself to draw attention away from her relationship with Glee producer Brad Falchuk, so take all this with a grain of salt. According to Radar:

“Chris has fallen hard for Jen, and they are having a lot of fun together. It’s happened very fast, and it’s extremely intense. Apple and Moses haven’t met their dad’s girlfriend, yet. Chris hasn’t been discussing the relationship with Gwyneth, out of respect.”

But all that's about to change!

“Gwyneth was absolutely stunned ​when Chris told her he wants to introduce the kids to Jennifer. It won’t be happening right away, Chris wants to make sure this relationship is going to just fizzle out before taking such a big step.”

Um, yeah…especially because this step is leapfrogging over so many other important steps. Like, y'know, going public with your relationship or whatever.

“He sees this relationship going the distance. This has been a huge blow to Gwyn’s ego because she has always bragged that she has Chris wrapped around her finger.”

First of all, who calls Gwyneth ‘Gwyn'? Does she work at a Ren Faire? And second of all — I don't know, girl. If the rumors are true, Chris started eating meat again approximately thirty seconds after your breakup conscious uncoupling, so you might want to check your finger. But regardless, it sounds like Gwyneth will be pretending everything's fine for the sake of the kids.

“[Paltrow and Martin] will put on a united front for the kids. Jen is just twenty-four, almost twenty years younger than [Gwyneth]! Being the hottest actress on the planet doesn’t help Gwyn. But Gwyn has something Jen doesn’t, two kids with Chris, and she won’t let him forget that.”

Man, this Chris Martin fellow sounds like a pretty forgetful guy! At this rate, he might not even remember to continue pretending to date Jennifer, and this whole ruse could unravel.

(Image: dailysanctuary)