No Please No: Will Chris Brown Perform With Rihanna At The MTV VMAs?

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I can’t believe I’m even asking this, but here goes: Is Chris Brown actually performing with Rihanna at the MTV Video Music Awards next week?

There’s been a lot of back and forth on this in the past few days. MediaTakeOut says YES, claiming Rihanna told VMA producers, as part of pre-show approval, that Chris would be joining her on stage. RumorFix says NO, claiming Chris has another commitment. (Like what, a commitment to beat someone up? I’m sorry. I'm under stress with this whole thing, I couldn’t resist.) And now HollywoodLife says that Rihanna is texting Chris to get him to commit to appearing with her at the VMAs.

Ugh! I don’t have the Tums for this kind of anxiety!

It’s safe to say that watching RiRi and Chris not only interact but actually sing together would be neck-and-neck with the upcoming KStew/RPattz awkwardness at November's Breaking Dawn, Part 2 premiere for the title of Most Anticipated Reunion Of All Time Other Than, Like, Two Important People From History.

But will it happen? God, I hope not.

I’m personally of the opinion that Rihanna should stick her “Umbrella” so far up Chris's ass that it stays there “Forever.” But, Rihanna has been very open about the fact that she still loves Chris. If she did bring him out onto stage with her during the VMAs, this is what I would predict would happen:

1. Chris would receive a rousing applause from the people physically at the VMAs because, based on the applause Chris has received in years past, I can only assume the VMAs are solely attended by robots made to look like humans who have no heart or capacity for understanding what the words “violence against women” means.

2. Twitter would implode. Forget the Fail Whale. I think that Twitter would spontaneously combust leaving only dust and a few extra pictures of Miley Cyrus’ new haircut in its wake. Because we aren’t lucky enough for those to ever go away completely.

3. Rihanna would have to deal with a lot of backlash from victims-of-domestic-abuse organizations, causing her to make at least one lunchtime appearance in a Hyatt ballroom wearing a turtleneck and speaking in support of one of said organizations. All great causes, but that is time she could be spending making another music video that I can watch alone and sigh to myself, “Uh, I love you, Rihanna… Can't I borrow your abs for a day? Just one day, I only need one day.”

So let me ask you… (to be read as if I’m Christian Bale in Newsies) DO WE WANT THAT?? (this is your turn) NO!!

RiRi, please do not do that to the world, and more importantly, yourself. You deserve better. We deserve better. Chris does not deserve better.

(Photo: WENN.com)