Chris Brown Is Still A Terrible Person, Also A Terrible Painter

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chris brown 061212I'm not gonna say I'm glad that Chris Brown punched Frank Ocean in the face, but I'm really effing glad that Frank is reportedly pressing charges. The details haven't been fully confirmed yet, since it's an open investigation, but the two men reportedly got in a dispute in the parking lot of their recording studio this past weekend. It started out as an argument over a parking spot, apparently, but must have escalated pretty quickly because the six men involved started throwing punches. It seems like a ridiculous thing to fight over until you remember that this is Chris Brown, and he doesn't discriminate when it comes to putting his fists through things.

nh snl seth macfarlane 160912Now granted, I don't have any more proof of what happened here than anyone else, barring the police and the people involved, but I think the fact that Frank is pressing charges is pretty telling. According to the LA County Sheriff's spokesman, Frank¬†“is desirous of prosecution in this incident”, which suggests to me that it might have on-camera. Think about it: you have two very high-profile artists at a successful studio…doesn't that seem like a place you'd have a lot of security cameras. So I'm hoping there's footage, and that it shows Chris throwing the first punch. Because if so, that's a serious violation of his five year probation for, you know, beating the shit out of Rihanna in 2009. Chris somehow avoided prosecution after getting into a fight with Drake in a club last year, but I have faith in Frank that he'll pursue this all the way through and refuse to be intimidated by Chris or his team. I mean, anyone who can do what Frank did and come out as a gay man in his industry has some serious balls. Seriously.

Chris Brown JesusBut what does the infamous Chris Brown think of all this? Well, he thinks he's fucking Jesus. Please find, above, a painting THAT HE DID and put on his Instagram with the caption, “Painting the way I feel today. Focus on what matters!” Oh yeah, hearing about all this fist-fighting really takes me back to my days at Episcopalian school when we'd read all those accounts of Jesus beating up all those non-believers. He really showed them! Talk about a guy who's focused on what's really important! First of all, Chris — YOU ARE NOT JESUS. And second of all, if you really want to do the right thing, why don't you focus on what's really important? Like surrendering yourself to the police or committing to a life of non-violence or taking a fucking painting class, you goddamn amateur.

(Images: WENN.com)