Entertainment

I Wish Kristen Stewart Died In Snow White And The Huntsman Instead Of Charlize Theron

By  | 

You're going to tell me that Kristen Stewart's fairer than Charlize Theron. Please.

I walked in to Snow White and the Huntsman fully prepared to try to like Kristen Stewart. After years of actively dismissing her acting as mopey-esque, I thought that perhaps we'd both grown up enough to approach this movie with a different attitude. If she promised not to look like she's starring in an allergies commercial, I would promise to look at her acting skills critically — and away from the Twilight lens.

Sorry K. Stew. You failed me here. But you know what, it's not really your fault. The movie's not designed to show off your acting skills, nor it even designed to make Snow White look good.  And before you think it's a flim about a hunky love triangle, Sam Claflin and Chris Hemsworth don't win any points either. Hot huntsman be damned. The only person I rooted for during this entire film was Charlize Theron and her portrayal of the evil Queen Raveena.

How could I root for Raveena? An antihero who represents everything that's wrong with our endless quest for neverending beauty and youth? Because I'm a woman with wishes, dreams, goals and the drive to achieve all of them. Like Raveena, I go after what I want.

(Unlike Raveena, I'm not looking for beauty and youth. So my daily to-do list doesn't usually involve hunting down beautiful woman and sucking the life out of them until I'm wrinkle-free. )

However it doesn't matter if we differ on what we value in our lives. What matters is that Raveena came from a poor background and rose up to become the queen of a kingdom. A single step-mother to boot. If we heard this story on the local news, we'd be cheering for this feminist icon. We'd be throwing praise at this role model who defied tradition and did whatever it takes to get to the top. We might even call her Oprah.

You know who we wouldn't be cheering on?

The frail teenager who constantly puts everyone in danger with her “woe is me” attitude. Yes, Snow White's pretty but she's not very savvy or smart or even ambitious. It takes her about 10 years of living in a one room cell to discover there's a rusty nail in her prison cell that she can use to escape.

Raveena would have found that nail 10 minutes into her stay at Hotel De Prison Boredom. Because she has places to go and people to murder for their youth. There's no time for dilly-dallying and moping about because an evil queen killed your father when your life's at stake.

Pages: 1 2