How To: Name Your Baby Like A Celebrity
It's happened. It's only been five days since we found out that the Kimye Westdashian baby is in fact not named Kimye Westdashian, as I hoped, but instead named North West, an extremely literally name that has already lead me to have a conversation in which someone responded, “Ha! North West. Get it?” when I simply asked what direction we were traveling.
Of course, North West is just one case of a celeb child receiving an odd, noun-based name, but if you've seen our list of every celebrity that is currently pregnant then you know that Nori, as they will call her, was just early to the party that is this year's influx of wacko celebaby names. We can assume that Will and Kate‘s kid will have a traditional name like, Elizabeth Catherine or William George, which will boost the popularity of those boring names because people are copycats. I read once that the name Mason broke the top ten names for boys recently. I know that mason jars are all the rage (I'm being serious…), but this was based on Kourtney Kardashian‘s kid. No joke. You can probably expect more Norths to exist in the world soon, but if you want to be different and create your own original celeb baby name, it's really not that hard. There's just three big trends to remember.
The main thing you need to know when naming your child in the style of a celebrity is to use a noun. We all remember learning in elementary school that nouns are people, places, or things. Usually, the things category will come in the most handy, but all can work. Here's some examples:
Pilot Inspektor – Inspects pilots? Is a pilot that inspects things? (Jason Lee)
Kal-El – Person. Superman's real name. Or I should say “real name” since he is fictional but, unfortunately, this name is not. (Nicholas Cage)
Moroccan – Person from a place. (Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon)
Sparrow – A bird. (Nicole Richie & Joel Madden)
Rainbow Aurora – Two cool effects caused by the scattering of light particles! (Holly Madison)
Brooklyn – A place in New York. (Victoria & David Beckham)
Bronx – A place in New York… again. Someone wanna use Staten Island? It's up for grabs. (Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz)
Kingston – A place in Jamaica. (Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale)
Blue Ivy – A modern classic and possible Illuminati reference. (Beyonce & Jay-Z)
And, my personal favorite, Apple. I love this one because it is the plainest freakin' noun you could think of. If someone comes up to you and goes, “Think of a word,” chances are it's going to be apple. It's the most obvious word on the planet. That or chair and, as far as I know, no celebs have named their child Chair yet. Apple Martin also sounds close to Apple Martini which would be a great name for a Bond Girl.
Old Timey Names
Old fashioned names are also very popular amongst celebs. They sound more reasonable than noun names, but still will remind everyone of their great aunt rather than a cute little child. These are names to grow into, but it'll take 70 years. Sarah Jessica Parker is a big fan of this style naming her kids Marion Loretta Elwell, Tabitha Hodge, and James Wilkie. If you told me those three sewed the first American flag, started the Red Cross, and was an 19th century president, respectively, I might believe you for a minute.
More olden inspiration for your baby naming decision:
Vivienne – Aunt Vivienne? Great aunt Vivienne? 90-year-old family friend Vivienne? (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt)
Vivian – Now with different spelling! (Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen)
Hattie – Sounds great with Grandma in front of it. (Tori Spelling)
Abel – Biblical! (Amy Poehler & Will Arnett)
Moses – Biblical take two! Gwen strikes again! (Gwenyth Paltrow & Chris Martin)
When all else fails just name it Harper. Becks and Posh did it. Neil Patrick Harris did it. Dave Grohl, Bill Hader, and all these other people did it. Seriously, there are more than I thought when I came up with this. Clearly it's a great celebrity baby name. (PS:. Nicole Richie named her daughter Harlow, which is close enough that I'm deciding it still counts.)
Now you're ready to create your own celebaby name! If you followed my advice it should come out something like this:
Red Persia Agnes Harper
Or this, for a boy:
Truck Hudson River Valley George-Henry
(Photo: Karl Piper/WENN)