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Cee-Lo Green Says It’s Only Sexual Assault If You Can Remember It, So That’s Horrifying

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Cee-Lo Green ain't that some shit GIF from Fuck You music videoCongratulations to Cee-Lo Green, whose status just went from ‘vaguely benevolent figure about whom I know almost nothing' to ‘rapist-apologist' in less than sixty seconds! Impressive, no?

I was unaware of this until today, but apparently last Friday, Cee-Lo managed to avoid jail time by pleading ‘no contest' to a charge of slipping MDMA (a form of ecstasy, for those of you who don't obsessively watch Drugs, Inc.), into a woman's drink without her knowledge in 2012. Said woman then woke up naked in Cee-Lo's bed the next morning with no recollection of how she came to be in that state, only to be informed by Cee-Lo's lawyer that they'd had ‘consensual relations'…which is quite literally my nightmare.

According to prosecutors, no sexual charges were filed due to a ‘lack of evidence', and Cee-Lo dodged the bullet of four years in jail for ‘furnishing a controlled substance' by pleading no contest and agreeing to three years of probation, 360 hours of community service, and fifty-two Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. BUT EVEN WITH ALL THAT. Even having completely avoided jail time and being able to maintain his innocence, Cee-Lo wasn't satisfied, so he took to Twitter to try to clear his name and claim that he couldn't possibly have raped this woman, because she didn't remember it. (Spoiler alert: it cleared it 0%, and I am now 100% nauseated.)

Here are the most horrifying of his (now-deleted) tweets:

“People who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!”

Yeah? You sure, buddy? Even when they've been incapacitated by drugs or alcohol or violence or trauma? Or any number of things that could damage the tenuous synaptic wonderland that's known as our brain? Memory is an extremely tricky thing, and to act like it's an indicator that abuse didn't occur instead of one that it did is not only insulting, it's actively insane.

“If someone is passed out they’re not even WITH you consciously. so WITH Implies consent.”

I don't even know what this is supposed to mean, I'm just too busy trying to stop my stomach from churning after reading what was essentially a confession and an excuse for his actions all in one. But wait! There's more! Before deleting his Twitter entirely, Cee-Lo fired off this rant, which was supposedly an apology for offending anyone, but also included a claim that his words were ‘taken out of context'. SO THAT'S GREAT.

Let me 1st praise god for exoneration fairness & freedom! Secondly I sincerely apologize for my comments being taken so far out of context.

I only intended on a healthy exchange to help heal those who love me from the pain I had already caused from this. Please forgive me as it..

…was your support that got me thru this to begin with. I'd never condone the harm of any women. Thank you.

Yeah that's right — I don't condone the harm of any women…I just directly (and admittedly!) participate in it myself. Super!

(Image: Blogspot)