When Jeremiah’s Not Breaking Amish, He’s Probably Breaking Restraining Orders

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So shocking confession, I'm actually loving these post-NYC episodes of Breaking Amish. For the first time all season I feel like we're finally seeing real drama go down. Sure they're still working off of a script and sure Abe's hunky-dory-golly-gosh attitude is still driving me up the wall, but I think the fights are real and I think the tears are real. And if that's not the reason to watch reality TV, then I've been doing it wrong for years.

The episode kicks off with Sabrina talking about her birth parents and confronting her adoptive parents about what she learned. While we didn't get to see the actual confrontation, I think we did get to see Sabrina's real reaction. She tearfully goes through a box of possessions from her birth parents and shares a letter that her birth mother wrote to her to explain why she gave her up. It's actually moving and I actually feel emotions stirring inside of me. Too bad it took 9 episodes for me to understand where Sabrina's coming from emotionally and why she needed so badly to separate herself from her Mennonite upbringing.

Next we catch up with Abe and Rebecca who are still talking about their wedding. It's boring. Not as boring as seeing Kate go on a date with a real life non-Amish accountant, but almost there.

So let's get back to Sabrina. In the month since she's returned home, she's found a boyfriend named Harry who she l-o-v-e-s. They're so in love that I almost think that they might have started dating before the show. But that's not really relevant right now. What's relevant is that Jeremiah shows up from Ohio (or wherever he went to after they left NYC) and tells Sabrina he's ready to have sex with her whenever he wants. He means she wants. No he means he wants.

She's all like, “um Jeremiah I had fun having reality show relations with you for the camera, but I'm in love with Harry now. He's Baptist, so yeah.” And Jeremiah's all like, “but we hooked up in NYC and I thought we had something. I came all the way here, without calling or asking first so even though my anger's irrational and I mistakenly think I'm being romantic right now, I still expect a hand job.”

Okay, he didn't say that exactly. But I think his tone implied that he didn't travel all the way to Lancaster to hear about how Sabrina's doing. He traveled there because he wanted to see her boobs, one more time. While I believe that TLC urged him to make this love pilgrimage, I also believe he brought the creep factor all by himself.

For a guy who showed little to no respect toward women on the previous 8 episodes, he's sure acting like the clingy ex-girlfriend from a canceled sitcom during this episode. I half expected him to take Sabrina hostage and remind her that he saved her from Krazy Kate and she owes him a relationship now.

I know he's not super pop-culture savvy, but he's acting like he's never heard about the show The Bachelor. As if he's unaware that reality show relationships never make it in the real world. At least without a guaranteed spin-off. So he should give up on Sabrina now and just return to the strip clubs. At least until Vh1 offers him a spot on Celebrity Rehab: I Starred On A TLC Show.