Brangelina Releasing Their Own Wine; Expected To Taste Like Children And Money

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file brad pitt angeline jolie engaged 13.04.12Imagine this. You're at a romantic, candlelit dinner. You gaze into soulfully into your companion's eyes and reach across the table to lay your hand tenderly on his/hers as you raise your champagne glasses in a poignant cheers. The year is 2013, and the bubbly is a sparkling rose called Miraval, produced by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and named after their estate. What? How can this be? The year is 2013 now, do you really mean to tell me that before the year is out, the blessed Brangelina will have released their very own WINE? Explain yourselves.

WELL. Brad and Angie have owned a thousand acre estate in southwestern France since 2008. As with many thousand acre estates in France, this one happens to contain one or two vineyards, so they did what every superstar power couple would do and up and started producing wine off of it and slapping their name on it. I mean it only makes sense, guys. It's the same thing I did when it turned out my apartment was in the same place as that herd of sheep. I just started shaving them and selling sweaters. They haven't sold very well because I'm not very good at knitting, but they are 100% wool, so please go to my website and check them out. They are the lumpy things at the bottom.


The wines will be released in connection with Marc Perrin, a French winegrower who also happens to be a friend of the family, with a label reading “Bottled by Jolie-Pitt and Perrin”. The first wine released will be a 2012 sparkling rose on March 15th, with organic whites and reds to follow later in the year. Early speculations (made by me) are predicting a full, fruit-forward bouquet, with notes of baby diaper and fresh-minted money, to incorporate their twin passions of having more children and money than you ever will. Drink up!

(Images: WENN.com / People)