Beyoncé Wrote A Terrible Poem, Proving That Not Even God Is Perfect

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Beyonce Oops

I'm sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but Beyoncé is not perfect. I know, I know, that's blasphemous, as she is a god. Or so we thought. It's come to my attention that, even though she can sing, dance, and heal others with just a touch, she can't write a poem for her life. That is, if someone were about to detonate a bomb and told her that they'd cut the right wire on the first try, Hollywood style, if she could just write a decent poem, I'd expect an explosion. It's genuinely that bad.

I know all of this thanks to designer Carine Roitfeld, who included a spread of Bey in her fashion book, creatively named CR Fashion Book. First of all, dude, it's a magazine. Secondly, this poem did not need to be a part of this deal at all. You'd think that, since Beyoncé can write a hit song in her sleep, she'd be able to write a great poem. Nope.

“I feel a deep bond with young children –
all those photos in my dressing room –
especially those who’ve been stricken,

I’m tuned to spirits, the emotions of others.
And I feel her presence all the time
though I never met my grandmother.

You call me a singer, but I’m called to transform,
to suck up the grief, anxiety, and loss
of those who hear me into my song’s form.”

Will someone please help me make sense of this? This is only an excerpt of the poem, but you can read the whole thing over at Carine's site. No worries about that, though, because it's just as all over the place. And you'll end up no less confused than I am.

Bear in mind that, while these are “Beyoncé's words,” the poem has been “remixed” by another person. I have literally no idea what that means, but I'm guessing that by that, they just mean “edited.” You know, scanned for spelling mistakes and missing emotion. Whoops! Actually, it looks like it was mainly just the first thing that was on the to-do list.

I mean, Beyoncé gave it the old college try, so I suppose that she deserves a consolation prize or something. Which would probably be a welcome replacement for the deity award that I'm assuming will be removed from her mantle any moment, now.

(GIF: Tumblr)