Bachelor Pad Has A Fever, And The Only Prescription Is More Taltos Twins

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Holy 22-year old hell, Batman. As a new convert to watching Bachelor Pad, I didn't realize how crazy it could get so early on. But last night's episode was a rude but super appreciated awakening. As you'll recall, this seasons consists of fifteen contestants from previous seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, and then five fans. Well, six really, because one of those spots is held by bleach blond, 22-year old twins Erica and Brittany Taltos who compete as one person, argue as two people, and drink as four. And oh my god, it is amazing.

These two are the drunken sorority girls you remember from college. They come to the party already drunk and dressed like sluts, and they are not leaving until their eye make-up is all over their face and they've each thrown up on one unsuspecting victim. Ooh and these two are even more exciting because one is a virgin and one is admittedly a slut. I don't remember which is which, but it doesn't matter because they're the same horrible drunken monster.

Something set them in the most recent episode and they were up all night keeping everyone awake screaming at each other about not having each others' backs, interspersed with making out with Dave, forgiving each other and hugging, and more drinking. And bear in mind that these girls are fans of the show. They have no friends in the house — they don't even know anybody. They just came in, kicked off their shoes, and started being terrible. They're like grown up toddlers. I honestly wouldn't have been surprised to see either of them shitting on lawn chairs.

The culmination of the fight was that, abruptly, after nine solid hours of drunkenly screaming at each other in every room in the house, one of them decided she wanted to leave. I don't know which one, only that it was the one who didn't make out with Dave, earlier. (As a side note, I just realized who Dave looks like: Ryan Gosling if both sides of his face melted like a candle and then re-hardened into a basic face shape.) Anyway, regardless of who initiates it, once one twin leaves, the other one has to as well. So they clambered into their van and whined and screamed off into the sunset, hopefully to be see again. By me. But not in person, only on television, so I can turn it off at will.

Oh and Michael and Blakely won the challenge, and Ryan, the 32-year old virgin (I love this show) had to go home. None of the girls were voted off because of the wonder twins leaving, so they live to fight another week and see who can claim the Craziest Bitch In The House Trophy now that it's back up for grabs.

P.S. Oh my god oh my god oh my god, I just found out they're the same twins from Jersey Shore who hooked up with The Situation. That makes complete sense to me.

(Image: Wet Paint)