Bachelor Pad: The Best And Worst Thing To Happen To My Television Lately

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Crushable has created a monster. I had to start watching The Bachelorette so I'd be able to recap it every week, and I'll be damned if I didn't get addicted to it. I foolishly tricked myself into thinking that I could watch it without caring about it, but fast forward to the present and I can recite back every bachelor's name and when and why he was eliminated. And now come to find out that they take the rejects from those shows and throw them onto another show called Bachelor Pad where the guy to girl ratio is equal and let them compete for love and money? Be still my beating heart!

So that's the attitude that I went into the premiere of the new season of Bachelor Pad with, and I was not disappointed. This season, there are fifteen contestants from previous seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and six fans of the show…except really five, because two of them, Erica and Brittany, are 22-year old twins competing as one person. Yeah, it's that kind of show. Everyone has to pick a teammate right off the bat, and the two of you compete together in challenges to try to stay in the game. If you win, you get immunity, and if you lose, you each get one automatic vote. Interestingly, people aren't lumped together as couples, though, so even if one person gets voted off, the other person can technically still stay, as long as they don't get the most votes as well.

The first challenge was bracing yourself inside a heart shaped container as it tipped more and more horizontally until couples fell out one by one. Erica Rose (from Lorenzo's season) and her partner Nick (from Ashley's season) were the first to fall, and the winners were David, an MMA fighter who's a fan of the show and his partner Brittany, who's one half of the set of twins I mentioned before. They all got to go on a date together to some sort of amusement park with roller coasters and a Ferris wheel. And yes, I do mean all of them — when you win with the twins, you get to go on a date with both of them. Just another weird twist in this oddly brilliant show.

The first episode was pretty much just a mish-mash of people getting to know each other and pairing up. Some highlights: Ed, the winner of Jillian's season, is a sloppy drunk, Kalon is just as sheisty as we all thought during Emily's season, Nick is an idiot who got his fellow fan Chris eliminated by revealing his plan to eliminate Erica Rose, and I've already been disappointed by the first girl eliminated. She was a 24-year old fan named Paige who ended up paired with Reid, also from Jillian's season, and the two of them actually had a good spark. BUT NO MORE! It was squashed by the cruel Bachelor Pad gods, and now all I'm left with is an addiction to another trashy ABC show.

First. World. Problems.

(Image: ABC.com)