Say What You Will, But Bachelor Pad Winner Nick Peterson Is The Literal Man

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I really think I might be a sociopath, because after watching last night's finale of Bachelor Pad last night, all I can do is holla at my boy Nick Peterson. I wrote a post about him after last week's episode, after he got into the final four and reminded me he was on the show, and in that moment, I really hoped that he would take this whole thing. I'm so giddy right now that I don't even know where to start, because this finale was the pinnacle of reality television as a social experiment.

The episode started out with a kind of reunion show for everybody where we find out what the status is on everyone's relationship, and how bitter or not bitter they still are or aren't at the people who took them out of the game. We learned that Kalon and Lindzi are still together, but that Erica Rose thinks Kalon is being unfaithful. We learned that Blakely and Tony are moving in together…oh and that they have the fastest-moving relationship of all time, because he also proposed on the show and she said yes and they're getting married. Hurray! True love! I don't care. There's better stuff ahead. We also discovered that Michael and Rachel‘s relationship is over after he didn't want to make the transition to long-distance, and boy is she not happy about it. Chris and Sarah, the other couple in the top four, are also all lovey-dovey with each other, so they seem to still be doing whatever it is they were doing. Oh and Chris apologized…ish…for being such a douche-nozzle during the show. Not because he felt bad about it, but because his parents were embarrassed by his behavior. And rightfully so. The kid's an asshole. Anyway, whatever. Shut up. Let's get to the good stuff.

The eliminated players get to vote for the team that they think most deserves the money and — no surprise, here — they voted overwhelmingly for Nick and Rachel. I think of everybody, Chris and Sarah only got three votes, and those were from Kalon, Dave, and Erica Rose. So Nick and Rachel go on to the next round, which is a little complicated. Bottom line, the $250,000 is up for grabs. Nick and Rachel each have to go into a little room and decide what they want to do: KEEP the money, or SHARE the money. If they both pick SHARE, then that's great. The money gets split and they each go home with $125,000, happy little reality stars. If both of them choose KEEP, then neither of them gets any money, and it gets divided up between the previously eliminated competitors. But if only one person picks SHARE and the other person picks KEEP, then the person who chose to share it gets nothing, and the person who chose to keep it gets the whole lump sum. I think you see where I'm going with this, but Rachel didn't, so stay with me.

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