In News That Would Be Relevant In 2001, Avril Lavigne And Chad Kroeger Are Engaged

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Early reports say that the Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger engagement comes as such a random shock that even Avril Lavgine was surprised when she heard it.

“Chad Kroeger?” she said aloud to her lone tie, “the guy from Nickleback? That's totally out of nowhere, right?”

Her tie responded despondently, “yes Avril. This engagement won't get you anywhere near the kind of press that it would back in the early '00s. You should announce it on a Tuesday night. That's your only chance to get anything out this. ”

“Silly tie!” said Avril as she started rummaging through her drawers for the “a”  and the “t” key that belonged on her keyboard. She needed them to write up the press release. But all she could find was pink hair spray.

Suddenly she regretted replacing those keys with the number 8. She thought hard, but couldn't for the life of her fathom why she ever spelled sk8er with an 8. And boy with an i.

Must have been all that punk hair. Oh man, weren't those the punk rock days. Really sticking it to the man back then. What was his name? Oh right Deryck Whibley from Sum 41. That was a fun marriage!

But now, she reminded herself, she was engaged to this Chad Kroeger. This guy she met when writing music for her next album.  An album, her tie reminded her tauntingly, that no one even asked her to make.

“Whatever,” she mumbled to her tie, “can I be any more obvious?”

“Yes,” her tie responded, “you could be a lot more obvious because no one even knew you were dating.”

“Lol!” Avril responded.

“Lol, indeed” said the tie.

Ah, to be young and in love and in the position to give exclusive engagement news to People

(Photo: Pacific Coast News)