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Angelina Jolie Can’t Get Married Yet Because She Forgot To Make Any Female Friends

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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt attending the End Sexual Violence conference in London June 2014If any of you have been checking your watch on the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt engagement, I regret to inform you that it's gonna be a bit longer before we see a wedding out of these two, because Angie forgot to make enough female friends to fill out the bridesmaid section. WHAT AN OVERSIGHT.

Not that we're keeping track or anything, but it's been over two years since Bradley put a ring on it, and still we haven't gotten the gratification of seeing Angelina float down the aisle in a towering cloud of lace as Brad earnestly dabs his eyes at the altar and straightens his tasteful white tails. We're entitled to that moment, so WHEN IS IT COMING? Well, according to Radar Online, who has very aptly titled this a ‘crisis', not for quite a while:

“They might let a lot more time go by before tying the knot because she doesn’t have any close women pals she can call on to stand up for her at the ceremony.

Apparently she does enjoy some ladies, like Elle Fanning, 16, Bella Heathcoate, 27, and her brother James Haven's girlfriend Ashley Reign, but…

“She doesn’t really have a special girlfriend in her own peer group who’s been friends with her for years. […] Angie's just one of those women who prefers the company of men.”

Oh man! (No pun intended.) How did you let this happen? Know how I know this story is true, though? Because Angelina has always been very traditional. She and Brad began their relationship in a very standard way, and have been notorious about waiting until after they're married to start a family, although they've been vocal about being excited to have their 2.5 kids and to put up their white picket fence.

“Angelina’s told Brad that they can’t marry until Shiloh’s old enough to be her bridesmaid.”

Until Shiloh is old enough? Shiloh is only eight years old, and she hates dresses! When you asked her to wear one and to pick daisies FOR MONEY in Maleficentshe literally laughed in your face and said no, so how long do you think it's gonna take her to come around to doing it for free? (Wearing dresses, picking daisies, and chasing butterflies are the top three responsibilities for bridesmaids, as far as I know.)

Long story short, I hope you packed an overnight kit, because unless Angie learns to play nice with other ladies, we're looking at another ten years or so of unmarried Brangelina.

The struggle is real.

(Photo: Daniel Deme / WENN.com)

 

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