Entertainment

Why Do Angelina Jolie’s Kids Need So Much Help Pooping?

By  | 

angelina jolie childrenLook, I'll preface this Angelina Jolie parenting story with the fact that I'm not a mother. So maybe I'm completely off base here with what I'm about to say. Maybe this is normal parenting stuff that most people just don't talk about. Or maybe, just maybe, someone handed Ang outdated anecdote flashcards to study before this interview and she simply didn't take a moment to think about what she was saying.

But let's begin at the beginning and then we can discuss. As per usual, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt talked about how their family is 100% completely and totally normal. Most kids live in 10 different mansions before their 10th birthday right? RIGHT!

In trying to make that point she tells Total Film magazine, “‘The great thing about having a bunch of kids is they just remind you that you're the person who takes them to go poop!”

Um, what? Her kids are 11, 9, 8, 6 and 4. I would say four out of those six kids should be able to excuse themselves from whatever they're doing and go to the bathroom by themselves. Sure if they're at a restaurant or another public venue, someone should go with them I guess so they don't get kidnapped. But I highly doubt the older kids are all like “hey mom lady, it's time to take me to poop!” And Angelina throws her make-up team aside, hikes her up her designer dress and is like “you're right, it is poop time!”

It's much more likely that someone told Angelina Jolie that poop stories make celebrities relatable. There's nothing's more fun than hearing a celebrity tell an “I'm an every day mom” story — such as “my baby doesn't care that i just got nominated for an Oscar for the sixth time, unless his peeing in my face while I changed his diaper was some kind of compliment.”

And if that's the case, she needs to update her stories stat. In case she forgot to read it in her family's daily newsletter, her kids are growing up. So she should swap out pooping stories for ones about homework and first crushes and sibling rivalry.

But that's just a little pro-bono advice from a non-celebrity, non-parent who doesn't really get how kids work or what parents did with them before Youtube or why they're not more interested in the debt ceiling.

(Bruno Press, PacificCoastNews.com)