New Reality Series Amish Mafia Looks To Be Even More Scripted Than Breaking Amish

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Amish Mafia Discovery Channel wtf Breaking Amish scriptedAs much as you've been enjoying the shenanigans of the Breaking Amish kids in New York City, I bet you've been wondering what's been going on in the Amish and Mennonite communities they left behind. Lucky for you, Discovery Channel is already on it! Today we learned about an incredible new reality show called Amish Mafia… and no, it's not a joke.

The series will follow the men who protect their Amish community in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, from outsiders and wrongdoers. Here's how the official press release describes the show:

As untrusting of outside law enforcement as they are reluctant to adopt modern technology, the Amish are seldom as quick to contact their local police department for emergencies as most communities. That’s where the Amish Mafia comes in.

Amish Mafia, a new Discovery Channel series, will provide the first-ever look at the small and tightly-knit group of men who protect and maintain peace and order within the Amish community in Lancaster, PA.

Except, the Amish Church denies their existence! So they're like these desperadoes with their guns, available for when the head honchos need them. As executive producer Dolores Gavin told the New York Post, “Like any other person in a community who holds power, the Amish know who to go to if there’s a problem.” That sounds really ominous, right?

And yes, you read that right—the show has already got a feature in the Post. Through this article we meet Lebanon Levi, the imposing leader of the group who isn't technically part of the Amish Church because he wasn't baptized. HE'S FULL OF DARKNESS, YOU GUYS. I'm assuming he's the Tony Soprano of the group, yeah?

And I haven't even gotten into what kinds of crimes these guys preside over. Early episodes will show them busting into a motel to catch an Amish guy cheating on his wife with a prostitute — as a reenactment, natch — and going after another guy who's trying to force an Amish woman into performing sexual favors in exchange for money. Wow, that's even more intense and soapy than I imagined when I first heard about this show.

Even though the producer said that it took two years to infiltrate the Amish community, we're still calling bullshit. We can't imagine that the Amish, who would run away from the cameras or ignore them on Breaking Amish, would so willfully let strangers document their customs. Especially when no one is supposed to know that these guys exist! That's the first rule of Fight Club, and it seems like it should apply here, too.

But you know we're tuning in for the sneak peek on Tuesday, December 11th (at 10:30 p.m.) and the series premiere on Wednesday, December 12th (at 9 p.m.).

Photo: Discovery Channel