American Idol Is Worrying Me By Hiring Actual Qualified Judges

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Jennifer Hudson attending Call Me Crazy premiere April 2013I'm concerned that there's something wrong with American Idol, guys, because they're actually making rational, logical decisions as far as whom to hire as a judge for their next season. Particularly worrisome is the fact that they just signed  they just signed Jennifer Hudson, because she's actually qualified. Are you guys sick? Do you need to go to the doctor? How many fingers am I holding up? Don't they know they're supposed to get a merry band of misfits to sit behind a desk and bark at each other like trained seals while they angle their Coke logos toward camera? Bonus points if they're not in the music industry at all, or ideally have never heard the human voice engaged in singing before. I mean isn't this the same show that was recently considering hiring Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber as co-judges? That's been their MO for so many years that I've come to expect it! It's what I'm used to, so don't go changing things up on me now! I don't know if I'll be able to cope with hearing actual coherent, intelligent opinions coming out of peoples' mouths and not just, “I liked that song choice and your blouse is STUNNING, GURL.”

And now I'm hearing that Kelly Clarkson is in the running for one of the remaining two spots? Competing against Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken? Not only are all those people in the music industry, but they've actually been on the show before, making them especially qualified to give advice. SHOULD I CALL AN AMBULANCE? This is all making way too much sense for me to be comfortable. I think I need an adult, or at least drunk Paula Abdul. She always knows what I'm going through.

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