American Idol Finale: Screw This Double-Named Kid, I’m Hopping On The Jessica Sanchez Bandwagon

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UPDATE: See the winner right here!

The season finale of American Idol is tonight, so I guess it's time for me to learn the names of the final two contestants just in time for one of them to be named the winner. Still in the running we have Jessica Sanchez and…Phillip Phillips? I'm sure literally every media outlet ever has commented on this, but that's the same name twice! It seems like that redundancy could have been avoided with a little foresight. Surely his parents knew their own last name prior to giving birth. But I guess if you found something you like, stick to it. Which is why my child's name will be Cheddar-Cheese Cheddar-Cheese and she will wear lipstick and compete in pageants and win American Idol and achieve all the things that her mother could did not.

…where was I? Oh yes, the contestants. In depressing news, they're both younger than me. In every other way they're identical to me. That's right, both of them. Here's a little cheat sheet for you on the final two, in case you're as woefully under-informed as I was.

16 years old, from San Diego, CA
Her last song was ‘Change Nothing', which the judges didn't like, but they praised her voice and her ‘bluesy' quality.
She was apparently eliminated partway through the season but the judges saw fit to rescue her, returning her to the show.
After watching several of her other performances — dayum, this girl has a crazy voice. It's really too bad she chose such an off song for her finale performance, because she blew ‘I Have Nothing' by Whitney Houston out of the water. Usually the judges slam contestants for singing the greats like Whitney and Mariah Carey, but they seem to be okay when Jessica does it because she be bangin' at it.

21 years old, from Leesburg, GA
His last song was ‘Home' and the judges loved the song and the performance.
Phillip also plays guitar, including it in many of his performances on the show.
Randy compared him to acts like Mumford and Sons and Fleet Foxes.

If it was based solely on the final performances and only up to the judges to decide, it would definitely be Phillip, but my personal favorite is Jessica. She reminds me of Kelly Clarkson, just substituting subtlety for power. Her voice is really flawless, smooth, and versatile. On the other hand, Phillip is really unique, which I know in the past the judges have really responded to. He doesn't sound like anything on the radio, but in my opinion, his voice isn't as impressive as Jessica's and he doesn't have the same emotional depth, even though he has five years on her.

But I fear for Jessica! I fear for her! Phillip is from the south, which has proven it has some serious voting clout — 7 out of 10 American Idols have been from the south — and Jessica is from San Diego. I'm worried that people from San Diego are too cool to watch American Idol, but I hope they did, and that they voted for Jessica, because she's awesome.

So I think I've made it clear I'm rooting for Jessica — but as I said, I also didn't watch this season at all and just became emotionally invested in the past half hour after obsessively watching every single one of her performances and holyballsyouguyssheissogood– so who are you pulling for?

There's a right answer, but no pressure.

(Image: ew.com)