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Just Proof That Allison Williams Is That Girl You Hated In High School

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Allison Williams Town and Country Cover March 2013Here's a warning for you: reading this Town & Country article about Girls star Allison Williams will make you dislike her. Which is a shame, because she doesn't seem like the kind of girl who should be disliked. Mostly her interviews make me like her. Well like/hate her. In the same way I liked/hated that incredibly beautiful and smart and popular athletic girl from high school who went on to an ivy league school. Allison, as well as her character Marnie, both seem incredibly put together.

Even when Marnie's having a complete breakdown about her ex-boyfriend, she's put together. If only we could all breakdown that attractively. I know that when I start to throw a tantrum, my face turns into a Cirque du Soleil performance  The lips go in opposite directions, the nostrils flare in a hypnotizing fashion and the cheeks contort in ways that doctors once declared to be impossible.

Sadly this article pushes me more toward the hate side for Allison, well the hate-her-because-I-am-jealous side. And I do blame that completely on the article. Which appears to be written for people who  own things like stables and corporations and private planes and hardcover books even when softcover versions are available. She's led the most charmed life imaginable and frankly I'm jealous. Just straight up jealous. Hell, even Eloise would be jealous. So let's begin. Let's just dive into this article together. And try to remember that just because we're not Yale graduates who can watch our father on TV every night, we're still worthwhile human beings.

It starts off by describing the difficulties Allison Williams faced after graduating college in 2010. They weren't so much difficulties as they were quirky opportunities people would gladly pay for at a silent auction.

“In the few months since graduating from Yale, where she majored in English, she'd been sleeping on the couch at her parents' Manhattan pied-À-terre…”

After learning about the time her parents made her sleep on a couch — a couch that's no doubt bigger and more luxurious than the home you grew up in – we move to the bustling and hustling city of Los Angeles. A city where Judd Apatow plucked Allison Williams from a field full of flowers and placed her in a vase until Lena Dunham could get a better look at her. As we all know now, Lena approved.

 The audition seemed to go well, and afterward Williams called a family friend who has been something of a mentor, and who also happens to be the actress Rita Wilson, to recap. Wilson told Williams that no matter the outcome, the audition itself was cause for celebration–after all, even small victories can be few and far between for aspiring actresses. “So Rita and I went on a hike and ate cupcakes, which is our tradition,” Williams says.

Yes, naturally she celebrated her success by eating a cupcake with Rita Wilson. Now before you start to think she's led a celebrity-filled life, know that Rita Wilson does this cupcake ‘n hike thing with every up-and-coming actress cast in a Judd Apatow show made for HBO. Why, you should have seen the cupcake she shared with Zosia Mamet. It wasn't so much a cupcake as it was a used tube of red lipstick found in a thrift store basement.

You should also know that her parents, one who happens to be named Brian Williams, worked hard to make sure she didn't grew up feeling overly privileged or exposed. She's just an average girl living in an average world. A regular Pepper Ann. If Pepper Ann was too cool for 7th grade. And 8th grade. If Pepper Ann intimidated the high school seniors before even starting her freshman year.

Thankfully, her parents tempered her intensity with a normal, even Rockwellian childhood. Williams attended the quaint New Canaan Country School, as did her mother, Bloomberg journalist Jane Stoddard Williams, before her; her grandmother had been a teacher there. She played soccer and lacrosse and field hockey. She was forbidden to watch TV, even the news, except for public television, and when it came to movies her parents followed the MPAA guidelines as if they were federal law.

Yes she played three sports. Because she's the kind of girl who would be able to step onto any field and automatically be named the captain. All she had to do was eye the field hockey stick and it floated into her hands. Oh and before you explode into little tiny jealously fireworks, read this.

After lunch we get ready to head over to Williams's stylist's shop, a few blocks away, where she is getting fitted for outfits to wear to the presidential inauguration, which she will attend with her parents a few days later. She also attended the 2008 inauguration. “There have been so many things I've been able to do because of my parents,” she says. “I mean, I grew up going to the Olympics. I went to see Our Town when Paul Newman was the stage manager. The nice thing about my parents is it's never been lost on me how special those things are. The words special treat were said a lot in our house.”

Yes, just when you believed that you couldn't hate-her-because-I-am-jealous of her anymore, she says that her childhood special treats included inaugurations. While you thought a Popsicle before dinner defined a special treat, Allison Williams thought it meant seeing Paul Newman work as a stage manager. I can't. I really just can't.

(Photo: Blossom Berkofsky, Town & Country)

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