Little Alexa Vega From Spy Kids Is A 23-Year Old Divorcee And My Mind Is Officially Blown

By  | 

My life just got extra confusing. I feel like someone just rewound my biological clock while I wasn't looking, because there is absolutely no way this makes sense. Alexa Vega, the little girl from Spy Kids and Little Giants, somehow purchased a time machine and skipped around through the future and back here to befuddle me, because she's now a 23-year old divorcee.

Let's start with the 23-year old part first. If you had asked me how old this girl was, I would've hands down told you something  like 18 or 19, and that still would've made me feel old. And I'm usually pretty good at predicting how old people will be when they return to the spotlight after a hiatus…but five years off? That's impossible. There's some sort of witchcraft afoot. There's no way I should be looking at a picture of someone with boobs. Alexa Vega, I don't remember inviting you to have boobs. In my head, you are a child, and I trusted you to stay that way. I trusted you, Alexa, and you let me down.

And furthermore, young lady, you are a divorced person now! What kind of crazy cat lady am I that I haven't had a serious relationship in the time it took the girl from Spy Kids to get married and divorced? OH GOD THE INHUMANITY. She was married at age 21 to an older gentleman by the name of Sean Covel who is currently 36…so he's 13 years older than his now-ex-wife. See I know what must've happened. Since there was such a big age difference, he must've given her some of his years. He gave them to her, and now she's keeping them in the divorce settlement. There's no other option. Ahhhh. I feel much better, now that I figured that out.

The two were married on October 10, 2010, and the date on the divorce filings in the LA Supreme Court is March 5th, 2012, so they didn't quite make a year and a half of marriage. It also means they've been informally separated for about four months, so this is old news to them, but incredibly new news to me. On so many fronts.

Sorry, gotta go renew my OkCupid account. It's a dark day when the 6-year old from Little Giants beats me to divorce.

(Image: Brian To / WENN.com)