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Begin Again Is Proof That Adam Levine Should Stop Acting Yesterday

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Keira Knightley and Adam Levine in Begin Again promo photo June 2014The film Begin Again comes out today, and if you see it for one reason, let it be to remind yourself that Adam Levine has absolutely no business acting in movies.

The movie stars Keira Knightley as a singer-songwriter who's been dating Adam's character for forever, and they write music together. But somehow he writes a song by himself, and that song finds its way into a movie and all of a sudden BOOM, his career explodes and they have to move to a big fancy apartment in New York. Like, the fanciest apartment in New York.

It's so fancy that I almost don't even blame it for going to Adam Levine's character's head and making him cheat on poor Keira, sending her into a spiral of depression that sends her spinning off right into the arms of Mark Ruffalo, a down-and-out alcoholic music executive (with a Wikipedia page!!!!!) who sees her perform at an open mic and becomes infatuated with her voice and will do anything to further her dream. Just something that happens every day here on the streets of old NYC!

But for as cheesy as it is, you guys, that is the last time I'm gonna get bogged down in the plot, because what we really need to talk about is Adam Levine. I don't know who told him he could act, but the man is a cardboard cutout of himself, struggling to make even blinking and turning his head look natural while playing a character who honestly should have just been named Adam Levine.

He's a douchey music dude whose success in the music industry fills him with lust that can only be slaked within the vagina of a model, and he still can't sell it. THAT IS A DESCRIPTION OF ADAM LEVINE, YOU GUYS. There is no Adam Levine-ier part out there, so if he's not selling this, there's really no hope.

Even Keira Knightley, who's the go-to girl for the role of ‘Woman Who Is Always Aware Of Your Eyes On Her And Being Bathed In Your Warm Adoration' couldn't make it look like there were emotions passing between herself and Adam. At the beginning of the movie, his character is supposed to be empathetic and yes, even appealing, but it's just so terribly painful to watch, like a marionette that thinks it's a human.

The only good part of his performance (besides the singing, obvs) was the really thick beard that he got near the end of the movie. It looked dumb on his dumb face (apologies, it had been almost two hours of movie at this point, and I was decidedly tuned out on Adam Levine), but there was always the hope that it would continue spreading and ultimately cover his entire head, just so I wouldn't have to watch him squinch his features around anymore, trying to arrange them in an engaging way.

Didn't like. Would not watch again.

(Photo: IMDb)

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