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A Discussion Of Robert Pattinson’s New Career As A Musician

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Hey, guess what? Robert Pattinson‘s a musician now. Or, rather, Robert Pattinson was always a musician, but finally has the time to focus on recording an album, which will sound like “stripped-down Ray LaMontagne meets Van Morrison.” Clearly, this warrants discussion, so I brought back musician/Gchat critic Kasey Anderson to talk picks and Pattinson.

A Discussion Of Robert Pattinson s New Career As A Musician rob jpgLiana: So… Robert Pattinson thinks he’s the next Ray LaMontagne.

Kasey: I mean, is that so far-fetched? He does seem to brood pretty well.

Liana: Valid. He is rather the brooding sort. But he’s also in Twilight, which seems to automatically dissolve some of that soulful cred

Kasey: He really could have played that up, though, and submitted a song to each of the Twilight Soundtracks, but he did not, which is maybe the LaMontagnest move of all.

Liana: But he hasn’t recorded any of them yet.

Kasey: But he COULD have, Liana. He could have.

Liana: You’re right.I suppose there’s nothing wrong with an actor wanting to record an album – however, if that’s really your “first love,” wouldn’t you have been doing that instead?

Liana: Question, Kasey Anderson: If someone called you right now and offered you $5 million to star in a Disney movie about a leprechaun (sorry), would you take it?

Kasey: Yes.

Kasey: I would take that role for $5.

Kasey: I would take that role for free.

Kasey: I am in talks to take that role.

Liana: You have been living that role for years, and I keep hanging around you, waiting for that stupid pot of stupid gold to appear.

Liana: But really and actually: you would take that role?

Kasey: It would really depend. He was also a model, correct? That’s how he was discovered? It seems to be that people sometimes take the work they can get in order to facilitate the work they want to do.

Liana: I turned down a reality show because I thought it would invalidate my writing!

Liana: (I am a noble creature, to be honored and commended. Also, I invalidate my own writing on a daily basis.)

Kasey: I think turning down a reality show is different from my accepting a hypothetical leprechaun role because, let’s face it, if I told you I was turning down a leprechaun role, I would never hear the end of it. I was born to play a leprechaun.

Liana: Buddy, it’s true. But then you’d just be “the singer who was that famous leprechaun.” And Robert Pattinson will be “that singer who was that famous vampire.” Would you do Twilight?

Kasey: As a 31-year-old who understands what Twilight is/has become, no. Not if I wanted anyone to take my “true passion seriously.” (I am still 31, right?) But how old was Pattinson when he took that role, or when he signed a contract that legally bound him to the franchise? I can’t say what I would have done as an early-20s kid who knew that sacrificing some dignity would allow me to do literally anything I wanted for the rest of my life. I would love to believe I would have turned down that role but there’s a lot I’d love to believe about what I’d do and it doesn’t always align with reality.

Liana: You would have turned down that role. At that age, you thought you were Bob Dylan, and Bob Dylan would have turned down that role.

Kasey: At that age, I was slumped over somewhere trying not to vomit into a box of Cheez-Its. I would not have been offered that role.

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