Every Movie And Every Person Shafted By The Oscar Nominations, Ranked By How Angry You Should Be

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Ellen Degeneres Oscars 2014 Promo


The 2014 Academy Award nominations are here! Finally! And the best part isn't talking about who got nominated, but who got shafted. I mean, yes, we're very excited for all the nominees, but there's plenty of time to talk about them. In fact, they're all we're going to be talking about between now and March 2nd. Right now their publicists are on the phone, attempting to get their clients booked on every possible late night show.  (And you know all the late night hosts are booking up J.Law the fastest.) So let's spend our last few moments before the grand campaigning begins to talk about the shaftees. 

SHAFTEE: Fruitvale Station for Best Picture and Best Actor

How You Should Feel About This: Very sad.

Michael B. Jordan's incredibly portrayal of Oscar Grant in Fruitvale Station brought me to tears. As did the tragic true story that's the movie's based on. Even thought it came out this summer and even though it didn't star a brand name actor, I still thought that it would get some kind of recognition. Especially considering how relevant the story is to what's happening between people of color and the police in our country today. But good job Academy, way to empower movies about white people problems.

SHAFTEE: Brie Larson for Best Actress in Short Term 12

How You Should Feel About This: Despondent

Even though you've probably never heard of Short Term 12, it's one of the best films that came out this year. Brie Larson stars as a young woman working in a modern day orphanage who's trying to help the children she's working with while dealing with her own traumatic past. It's a quiet movie, but a powerful one nonetheless. While getting nominated was a long shot, I still had my fingers crossed that the Academy would surprise us with this nom. Regardless, see it if you have the chance.

SHAFTEE: Blue Jasmine for Best Picture

How You Should Feel About This: Upset-ish.

While I'm thrilled to see Cate Blanchett and Sally Hawkins recognized for their amazing work in this film, it's pretty disappointing that the Academy left this movie out in the cold for best pic. Then again it's a Woody Allen film, and in light of everything that got brought up at this year's Golden Globes, I'm thinking that maybe we didn't need to send any more awards his way.

SHAFTEE: Emma Thompson for Best Actress in Saving Mr. Banks

How You Should Feel About This: Ugh

Even though I think Saving Mr. Banks took a few liberties with the Walt Disney character, Emma Thompson's performance as P.L Travers should've earned her a nod. Combine that with her wonderful routine at the Golden Globes and it's a mystery as to why anyone wouldn't want her on a stage on live TV.

SHAFTEE: Idris Elba for Best Actor in Mandela

How You Should Feel About This: Really Annoyed

Even though the cast of Mandela barely did any press for Mandela, it's still surprising that Idris Elba didn't make the cut for best actor. Especially when Hollywood's constantly being accused of not doing enough to help people of color in the industry succeed. Here's an incredibly talented black actor who could've easily taken a spot from one of the four white guys being recognized. Sorry Leo, but he deserves to be on that list way more than you. And honestly, between this and the complete lack of noms for Fruitvale Station, it's now pretty clear that there are a few problems with the group of people voting for the Oscars.

SHAFTEE: Tom Hanks for Best Actor in Captain Phillips

How You Should Feel About This: Meh

Tom Hanks final scene in Captain Phillips should've earned him a spot on the best actors list. Then again, he's the Meryl Streep of male actors and we're sure that he'll get a few more chances to be up for an award before his career's over. After all, this fall alone he starred in two huge films.

SHAFTEE: Robert Redford for Best Actor in All is Lost

How You Should Feel About This: Not Sure

Look, I'll be honest with you kids. I did not see All is Lost. But from what I hear it's essentially Cast Away on a boat. And anyone who can command a movie screen for two hours alone probably deserves some recognition. Also he's still pretty hot for an old guy. I know that's not in the nomination criteria, but still….

SHAFTEE: Lee Daniels' The Butler for Best Picture

How You Should Feel About This: Good

Even though everyone else loved this film, I found it to be solidly mediocre. Sure Forrest Whittaker did a wonderful job as the butler, but nothing about this movie really stuck with me after I saw it. Which felt strange since it covers so many incredibly moving moments in history.

SHAFTEE: Inside Llewyn Davis for Best Picture

How You Should Feel About This: Woohoooooo!

Looks like the Academy and I agree that watching some sad sack go through sad things for a few sad hours doesn't make the most compelling movie. Although look, I will say I thought the cat would get a best supporting actor nod. After all, it was the only thing that made me feel happy to be alive during the two-hour snoozefest that was my Inside Llewyn Davis movie watching experience.

SHAFTEE: Taylor Swift for Best Song “Sweeter Than Fiction” in One Chance

How You Should Feel About This: HA.HA. LOL. HEHE. ROTFL.

Sorry I'm not sorry that mashing up a few '80s songs for a movie about an opera singer didn't earn you a nod. I mean, I'm sure she'll still be invited. To watch the awards at Hailee Steinfeld's house. Okay, you're right, I'm gloating. I'll stop now.