18 Things Justin Bieber Will Probably Do Before He Turns 18

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Today was not Justin Bieber's lucky day: The boy wonder threw a wimpy pitch at a White Sox game, and he doesn't know what “Germany” is. Give The Biebs a break! He's 16! He has TWO MORE YEARS to do much worse things — or make up for it with a Grammy or two, whatevs.

Here are Crushable's predictions for the 18 defining moments he'll have before his 18th birthday. Besides learning where Germany is, Bieber will:

  1. Open a nightclub.
  2. Shun Miley Cyrus.
  3. Shag Selena Gomez.
  4. Shave his head.
  5. Have a fling with Barbara Walters.
  6. Host Saturday Night Live.
  7. Go to rehab for “exhaustion.”
  8. Land a bit part in a Garry Marshall rom-com.
  9. Collab with the other Justin (Timberlake) and then smoke a joint.
  10. Quit his label because music executives won't understand what he's “trying to do.”
  11. Start his own label to discover The Next Justin Bieber.
  12. Trash a hotel room.
  13. Endorse Axe deodorant body spray.
  14. Bring his mom to the Oscars.
  15. Show up in the tabloids as “romantically linked” to Noah Cyrus after saying hi to her backstage at one of his concerts. He will strongly dispute a romance.
  16. Spend a long night  at big bro/BFF John Mayer's bachelor pad Twittering, talking music and bitching about TMZ.
  17. Get pulled over in Los Angeles for attempting to race his swagger coach.
  18. Make 500 million dollars.

All of these will happen, now that we've typed them on this site. Did we leave anything out? Please let us know in the comments!